My Problems Aren’t as Bad as… (Tall Girl 2 Netflix Anaolgy)

I love corny movies, so yes, I watched Tall Girl one and two on Netflix.

When the first Tall Girl came out and everyone watched it, the movie went viral on Tiktok because the tall girl was saying that there was nothing worse than being tall in highschool.

Then everyone started to come at the movie saying that cancer is worse than being tall, or poverty, or literally anything. There were so many Tiktoks spiraling around about it.

Then when Tall Girl 2 came out, they discussed it when she had her audition, and the director asked her, “what makes you think that your problem is bad?”

And she basically says that, yeah, all those issues are bad, but it doesn’t diminish her problem and her experience.

If your friend had an achievement and won an award, does that mean you don’t deserve to be proud of your B+? No, because we don’t need to be comparing ourselves to other people for any achievements or for any problems.

If you have an achievement in life. You should celebrate it, regardless of what anyone else is doing.

If you have an issue in life, you have every right to mourn your feelings, regardless of what else is happening in the world.

You are living your own life and experiencing your life. Should you just disregard your life and your experiences for someone else’s life? If you do, what is the point of you being a whole human being? Who chose them to have their feelings and experiences validated but yours aren’t allowed to be?

There is always someone out there in the world who has it worse than someone else, and there is always someone out there in the world that has it better than someone else. But everyone is living their own life and timeline. Every pain that you feel, and every joy, is validated. You don’t need to make it a competition.

The experience happened. You reacted for a reason.

That does not mean your actions are justified. You have every control over your emotions and actions, but what I am saying is, if you feel a certain way, it means something and you don’t need to disregard it because someone else out there is in the hospital.

Summary

Your feelings are validated regardless of anyone else in the world. Stop comparing your life to other people’s life. Everyone has a different story, and different circumstances. It does not make sense to compare your life to someone else’s.

You are 100% allowed to feel your feelings and feel sad about it. It may not seem as bad as someone else’s situation to you, but it does not mean it did not make you sad. And you are allowed to feel that way.

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5 Ways to deal with your EMOTIONS – Why don’t regret Retail Therapy

Retail therapy is one of the most common types of avoidant therapy that people use, at least women for that matter.

What is retail therapy?

Retail therapy is basically shopping for things you want, but may not need to make yourself feel momentarily happy. It can also look like impulsive purchases for things that you didn’t think you needed, but you don’t care anyways.

When you buy something that you want impulsively, it makes you feel better momentarily, and keeps your mind off of what makes you hurt inside. Therefore, it becomes therapeutic in a sense. You feel better, and the more often you go shopping, the more often you may feel a sense of happiness.

First, I want to acknowledge how retail therapy can actually be very damaging.

Why retail therapy can be damaging.

When you are in a state of mind where you not in a mentally good place, you make choices that are not the best choices for you because you have this feeling inside of you that you are trying to appease through retail therapy.

You have this unhappiness inside your heart that you don’t know how to heal, and you are aware that buying something can give you instant gratification and keep you happy for a moment or two.

When you begin to heal, you may start realizing the financial damage that you have caused in your bank account because of this. Your house or apartment may be filled with stuff that you didn’t even remember that you had after a day of getting it.

Your wallet begins to suffer because you may now just be living pay check to pay check to try and get your financial standing in a good place.

Why I don’t regret Retail Therapy

.backstory.

Now, with all those negative factors put in place, let’s talk about why I don’t regret it.

When I was in a depressive state, I had no job, felt like I had no purpose in life, and felt like everyone hated me, there was no point in my existence. My husband did not make too much money at the time. We were just in a bad place financially, and emotionally when it came to external factors.

We were going through a very difficult time, and emotionally, we struggled to get on our feet to even work through our emotions. There is a point of your life where, when you want to start healing, you have to pick yourself up first before working through emotions.

That means, feeling a little bit of happiness and hope, and a lot of that comes from things that make you happy. The little things in life, or maybe even a religion.

What worked for me, was retail therapy. At this point, I grabbed on to anything that I could, that would get me through the next day of life. I loved fashion and beauty, it made me happy. It made me no money, but it made me happy for the time being to focus on it. So my husband, with his credit card, would take me shopping, would buy me gifts, so he could see a smile on my face (sorry if this story is kinda depressing, I hope it helps someone out there though).

Mind you, we had thousands and thousands of dollars of debt.

It worked though. I knew it was momentary, and at a point, retail therapy did not work on me anymore, but at that point, I got back on my feet enough to work through my emotions and pick a healthier way to work through my emotions and address them.

I think we added 5 thousand extra dollars of debt because of my husbands desperation to get me out of the dark.

.why I don’t regret it.

Now, I am not saying that this is a good way to solve your problems. Like I said, it was very damaging for the fact that we have no money in the first place.

But at that time, the dependent factors were between my life and debt. Debt can always be fixed. The moment you truly work on your healing, you become healthier and learn how to budget better and work on paying off that debt. And retail therapy was a momentary therapy that worked, but brought a huge debt on to us, but at the same time, it kept me going until I was ready to get back on my feet and become Liz 2.0.

And I also know now that my husband values me and my happiness more than he values money. Which was a bonus to learn.

Recommendation

If you aren’t in the dark pits of hell and you can restrain from retail therapy, I don’t recommend you do retail therapy. If you can get your emotions out a different way, do it. Because not everyone can deal with financial debt well, and it may cause another depression. It truly is all about perspective.

Here are other ways you can get through your emotions.

  1. Creatively
Photo by Dragos Gontariu on Unsplash

If you are a talented creative person. This is one of the best ways to get through your emotions. Something that I should have done is sing. When I sing, I feel it in my soul and it helps me work through any feeling that I have. It is temporary, as healing does take a long time, but it also does heal you little by little.

Maybe you love to paint. Use that energy of all your emotions to paint it out. Make something creative out of your current pain. Almost use it to your advantage. The most beautiful creations come out of pain.

If you like to knit, or make clothing, dance, you know the deal. You can create something so beautiful by putting your energy into it. This is the time to express yourself.

2. Physically

Photo by Kari Shea on Unsplash

When you exercise, you create endorphins. I will admit, exercising will probably help you pick yourself up the quickest because of the healthy habits you are working on.

If you don’t like running on the treadmill for thirty minutes a day, go for a brisk walk, or play a sport that you enjoy! This will actually help you get your energy out in a healthy way.

3. Self Soothing

Photo by Brandy Kennedy on Unsplash

This may cost some money but it truly isn’t as expensive as buying a whole wardrobe. A couple of face masks would cost maybe five dollars total? A quality bath bomb may cost maximum five dollars?

Then making a day out of it can take the weight off your shoulders for a while. The act of taking care of your wellbeing can also push you to take care of your emotional well being. Check out 10 Ideas to Self Soothe in Times of Stress for more ideas on self soothing.

4. Socialization

Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash

Hang out with some friends. Friends you trust and enjoy. Yes, it may be a distraction from your issues, but they are there to support you and have your back. In times like these, you just need a pick me up. You aren’t at that point to work through your feelings yet.

5. Hobbies

Photo by Matias North on Unsplash

Pick a new hobby or an existing one that you neglected! Find your spirit and drive back into that hobby and create something beautiful! Read more books, or find new recipes to cook. Explore and take your mind off things. Focus on what makes you happy!

Conclusion

I truly believed that you will never heal if you just avoid the situation and distract yourself.

Which is true in a sense, but everything comes at its own time to fully heal and grow from the situation. Sometimes, you need to take the time to get peace back into your heart because you can face the scariest of scary emotions that we tend to have.

Remember, emotions are a huge part of our lives, no matter what anyone says, they are a big part of being human, so address your emotions, see where they come from, and learn about yourself.

Seven Lovely Logics

Disclaimer: I did not think of these, I discovered these on tiktok from a user named @shaynateresetaylor.

So on tiktok, I came across this beautiful video. The Seven Lovely Logics. I was surprised when I heard this because I don’t hear many people giving advice like it. But, these are some inspirations that I live by, so, aside from the video, I wanted to share and explain each one.

@shaynateresetaylor

SEVEN LOVELY LOGICS

  1. Make peace with your past so it doesn’t spoil your present.
  2. What other’s think of you is none of your business
  3. Time heals almost everything… give the time, some time.
  4. No one is the reason for your happiness except yourself.
  5. Don’t compare your life with others, you have no idea what their journey is all about.
  6. Stop thinking too much, it’s okay not to know all the answers.
  7. Smile, you don’t own all the problems in the world.

I can promise you from my own experience, if you live these, whole heartedly, you will become a more peaceful and happier person. But what does these even mean? I gotchu.

Make peace with your past so it doesn’t spoil your present.

Photo by Hadija Saidi on Unsplash

Most of us have some kind of trauma or bad experience that we don’t want to relive or we still feel triggered by. If you start boiling up or getting angry at a small situation, you may somehow feel triggered. You may have trauma that you shove in the back of your head until it disappears so you never have to experience it in your mind again.

Trust me, I have and had all of it. I try to ignore my darkest moments and focus on happier times, but thats not how memory works. It may come back and flash as a memory in your mind again. You may feel a lot of fear because that person is still out there and has the power to hurt or even harm you again.

Depending on the trauma that you have, remind yourself that you are in a safe space right now, and right now, everything is okay. Does it mean everything is okay in the future? No, but it is a start to prepare you to make peace with your past.

You can’t control the future, but you cannot live in your past, and your present is being wasted in the thoughts you cannot control.

So how do we make peace with our past? When you are in a safe place, acknowledge that it is the past, and take the time to remember the past. Remember it and start writing and feeling your most honest emotions. What you were feeling and why you were feeling it.

Validate it. You felt that way for a reason, and you have every right to feel what you feel. Does not mean you were in the right of the situation, does not mean you are being selfish if you don’t look at that perspective. Just validate that your experience really did bring you pain and it is something that you couldn’t understand, and did not know how to process.

Acknowledge it. Acknowledge that this was uncharted territory that you did not know how to manage your way through. Then acknowledge and accept what happened. I know it’s painful. I know that some trauma we have is trauma we refuse to accept as a part of our lives and a part of our history. But you can not get rid of it without accepting that it did happen and what happened happened.

What other’s think of you is none of your business

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

This one is my favorite because I have spent my entire life caring about other people’s opinions of me. It was my entire personality. The moment I was fully free from it, I had no idea who I even was and how I contributed to the world because I spent most of my growing life trying to be everything that was loved and adored.

What other people think about you is not your business. It quite frankly isn’t. This is how the power of perspective comes into play.

Everyone has their own perspective of the world and no two is the same. That means, people make assumptions about you immediately. Some more stubborn than others, but as they get to know you more (if they choose) they need to break down their understanding of you and rebuild it again.

Their perspective of you is also built from their own experiences, and because you have not lived the way they have lived and processed it, it is not the one you live. The image that you are fighting in your everyone’s mind is everyone else’s understanding of every individual experience in life. So their perspective of you, is a reflection of how their view life. Even your parents or your best friend. And someone else’s understanding and perspective of life is truly not your business, but theirs to processes and build.

Time heals almost everything… give the time, some time.

Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash

I remember when I was in college, I would tell myself that I would be different, I would heal quickly and change quickly if people saw something undesirable in me. I thought, because I can control my actions, I can change easily. I just need to be consistent.

That is definitely not the case. You need to trust time. If you have flashes of memories that you do not want to remember anymore, don’t shove it in the back of your mind. Embrace it. Acknowledge that you are sad or you are still hurt, but it isn’t your current reality and time will heal you. Then after you acknowledge the feeling, move on to your immediate surroundings.

This will help you not to avoid the memory, but to acknowledge it, but also acknowledge where you are now. You are no longer running away.

No one is the reason for your happiness except yourself.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

This goes for all emotions. Stop blaming your emotions on other people. Other people did not make you feel anything. You have complete control over your emotions, and if you don’t, you need to work on yourself.

Someone can try to hurt you, but you can be so secure in yourself, that their comments or actions don’t hurt at all. It truly is the way you take it and perceive the situation.

Yeah, if someone cheats on you, you probably will hurt. That’s okay to hurt, but stop practicing blaming your emotions on other people, just acknowledge that this situation hurt you and you’re going to need to take time to heal. But at the end of the day, nobody is responsible for how you feel, choose how you respond and feel towards people. Be who you want to be.

That being said, don’t blame your eternal unhappiness on someone who did something that isn’t what you wanted them to do. Choose to find peace in your heart even though there is a storm around you. It is possible. I am thriving right now and I have petty people trying to drag me down, but it no longer hurts me because I chose to learn my value.

Don’t compare your life with others, you have no idea what their journey is all about.

Photo by Vlad Bagacian on Unsplash

Everyone’s idea of success is different. Mine used to be money and marriage status, because that is what my mother always wanted for me. But now it is happiness and kindness. That is my measure of success.

Not only is everyones personal definition of success different, but you don’t know what people are going through in order to have gotten where they are now. You don’t know what hurt them or pushed them.

Maybe you are upset that people have a group of friends and you have always wanted one. You see them laughing on the street going to eat together. You don’t know what is happening between closed doors. Maybe a girl is backstabbing her friend, or they are all leaving another friend out.

Or even perfect relationships. I am convinced that the longer the post, and the more frequent the post, the more unhappy the relationship is. It almost seems like they are posting enough to convince themselves that they are okay. People have gotten good at hiding what does not seem perfect.

Measure your own life with your own progress. How far did YOU come? Are you proud of that growth in yourself if you had only yourself to compare?

Stop thinking too much, it’s okay not to know all the answers.

Photo by Sinitta Leunen on Unsplash

The unknown is such a scary place to be. We often don’t want to be in the unknown. We want to know what’s coming so we can be prepared for it. Why is that? How did we get to that point?

It is okay not to know. Ignorance is sometimes bliss.

Make the unknown exciting. What is next in your life? What new adventures will come your way that you never expected! Life is full of surprises, trust the path that the universe wants to give you.

At the end of the day, really meditate on enjoying the process, because you will miss all the beautiful flowers on the way.

Smile, you don’t own all the problems in the world.

Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash

Yes, the world sucks. And we feel for all these people, but find what you are grateful for in your heart. Show yourself gratitude for how far you came and who you are, and where you are in the path of who you want to be. Take a second to be thankful for all the blessings that have already come your way.

CONCLUSION

Living this way did not take me a day or a month or even a year. Living this way took me years of constant self reflection. To be as happy and at peace as I am now. I went from wanting to unalive myself, to living my life to the happiest and fullest and loving all my friends and family.

I got to this point because I had people in my life that pushed me to the limit. Who wanted to make sure that I believed I wasn’t worth it. And I did believe it. But a little part of me didn’t think that was right and I refused to feel like that anymore. I refused to let anyone take my joy and peace from me.

I changed when it pushed me to the limit. But you don’t have to wait that far. Maybe I had to be pushed in order to bloom like a flower. Maybe you don’t need to.

Get back up. You only fail when you choose to fail. The other side is so beautiful.

How to get closure when you can’t get closure

Closure is something many of us struggle with. Whether it is from a relationship from a spouse, friend, or significant other we have all come across it one way or another. Unfortunately, it is difficult to receive closure because sometimes, the other party does not want to participate in your closure, or will not give you the closure you need. Sometimes when you participate in the closure, they just respond in the same problematic way that led you to need closure in the first place.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

What is closure?

Closure is when a relationship had to come to an end for whatever reason, but you have no understanding or conclusion of what happened, what went on to have the relationship get to this point. It can also mean, needing an understanding of why something happened.

For example, in a romantic relationship, if you and you’re significant other break up, you may wonder, why did they break up with me? What did I do? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough?

In a family relationship, the closure you may want could be, why did my mom never apologize to me when she has hurt me? Why did my dad leave me? Why did my sister run away?

In a friendship that has ended, it could be, why did she do that to me? Has she never cared about me? Why did she say that behind my back? Why is she suddenly disrespecting me?

Photo by Simran Sood on Unsplash

I was not going to blog about closure today until I saw a tiktok where this asian girl could not get closure from her parents because they keep fat shaming her and she never met up to their expectations. And I closely resonate with that. The first thing, as a Korean person, that Korean people tend to mention to me is my appearance. I truly don’t understand why, but when I expanded my horizons, I learned that mainly Korean people do this. Mainly Korean people talk about your appearance and weight as if it is a heavy topic of concern.

My mom asked me if I gained weight, as if I need to address it immediately if I did. And typically, I would obsess over my weight, but I have healed through that trauma, and now I just believe that I put on winter weight and that is completely normal. A friend that I haven’t talk to in years contacts me for the first time and asks me if I lost weight. It baffles me that this is even that big of a topic to mention.

I have had relationships with people who chose to show such disrespectful behavior and treated me as if I did not belong and did not deserve to be respected and it was such a confusing time for me because even when I would ask for explanation, the explanation would not even make sense.

Closure is not just given to you when you want it. You can’t demand a conversation from someone or be entitled to a response that you want to hear. There are many times, when you want closure, that you try to get that conversation out of someone but you just are not able to get it. No matter how much they hurt you, no matter how much disrespect they show you for no reason, you are never entitled to someone’s response.

And sometimes when you get it, it still is not enough. Even people who get revenge will always tell you that it does not heal you or make you feel better.

So how do we get closure when we aren’t able to get closure?

Well, we find closure within ourselves. We find closure in what we can control, and the only person we can control in any situation is ourselves.

So how do we find closure when we don’t have the answers that we need answered?

Photo by Caleb George on Unsplash

Ask yourself these questions

  1. What did this situation tell me about what kind of person I am?
  2. What did their response to me, say about the kind of person they are?
  3. In this tough time, do I like who I was as I handled it? If not, what can I change about me so the I like who I am?
  4. If I liked who I was in this situation, how can I focus on being proud of my own strength and growth?

It is very important to self reflect in these situations. When you are self reflecting, make sure you are honest with yourself. If you have a hard time facing the truth about yourself, that is another situation you may need to work on. But self reflection and growth is beautiful. The wisest people reflect on themselves and constantly grow and change to be the best version of themselves.

Ask yourself these questions, and with these questions will come to a conclusion to who you think you are, and who they are to you. Everyone has different perspectives, understandings and experiences with everyone and no two people will understand in the same way. Do the best you can with the limited information you have, to take back your peace. People have already chosen to act the way they want to act to you. There is no other explanation or excuse to it. People can choose to grow, people can choose to stay stuck, but that is not your problem at this point. Take care of who you choose to be.

Photo by Nastya Dulhiier on Unsplash

At the end of the day, you can’t depend on anyone else to feel okay. You can’t wait for someone to feel bad enough, or apologize to you, or give you closure, in order to feel okay and at peace. If they are living their life being unbothered by you, you are the only one in pain and the only one who needs to take control of their own emotions. That means, you need to find closure within yourself to take your power back and find closure in the situation. Do not give the other person the power to control your emotions because at the end of the day, you choose to feel them, you have the power to adjust your perspective and emotions.

It is not easy, but it is possible.

Photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash

Conclusion

Emotions are not easy and you can not control anybody except for yourself. Stop focusing on what people owe you, or what you need to hear from someone in order to move on, or what you have to know to move on. At the end of the day, you are giving the power of your own happiness and peace away to other people. Take that power back, make yourself proud of who you stood strong to be and who you wanted to be. And honestly self reflect in who you were in this situation and who you would be proud to be. Their simple disrespect or disregard should be enough closure, anyways.

How to love yourself

Like I’m gonna give you a step by step tutorial on how to actually like yourself.

I can’t do that. I can give you some tips, but I won’t be able to give you the exact formula to love yourself.

Theres a multitude of reasons as to why you don’t love yourself:

You may hate your personality because people have shushed you too much.

You may hate your body because it is not the beauty standard.

You may a quirk that you have because people keep making fun of you about it.

You may hate yourself because of the lack of respect people gave you, and you believe that you don’t deserve love or respect.

Did I just remind you a bunch of reasons why you hate yourself? Sorry, I didn’t mean to. But do you see what all of these have in common? They all have to do with other people’s perspective.

So just stop caring about other people’s opinions!”

Has someone really said this to you? Pretty ridiculous right? Wow thanks! Let me just re-wire how I have perceived my whole world for so many years of my life cause you just said that. Thanks for the advice!

A lot of us, when we try to “stop caring about other people’s opinions” we start shoving it off by hardening our heart and rejecting it that way. But then, in the process, we start to throw our hatred, disgust, and ugly feelings at everyone else. Giving people an attitude for saying what they are saying, talking smack about the people who talk smack about you. And you become just as ugly as them.

So how do you truly get to a place where you love yourself?

You have to know yourself. You can not truly and fully love something that you do not truly know. You have to know everything about yourself, and accept it. You can’t be like, “that’s a quirk I think is embarrassing and other people think is embarrassing and I don’t want that.” If it is a tendency that you do, then you need to accept it.

This is not necessarily saying that you should stay the way you are forever. That means that we all grow and all change, but it is a journey and it takes time. Love every version of yourself you become in your journey of growth. Every time you change, appreciate and accept each step you are in. If you do, nobody can shove in your face something you already accepted about yourself. Everyone changes, and life is a process. On the way, you will have different quirks about you. In the meanwhile, understand that you may talk more than others, or have interesting ankles, or have different interests than others. That is a personal trait that is exclusive to you.

Maybe you really don’t like it. Then change it. You have every right and control over yourself to change something you don’t like about yourself. But make sure you are changing something about you for a positive reason.

For example:

If you talk “too much”. Don’t change this trait because people say you are annoying and you talk too much. Change this because you want to remind yourself that you want other people to express themselves so you can get to know them better. Or that you want to have meaningful conversation and this will work if listen more. This way, your change is a beautiful type of growth, rather than stunting yourself and trying to stop something about yourself.

If you don’t fit the beauty standard and someone is telling you to exercise so people would think you are attractive, don’t lose weight because you want people to think you are beautiful. If you truly want to change your body, don’t change it because someone told you to. Don’t do it to prove them wrong. Don’t base your changes of yourself around someone else’s thoughts. Maybe you noticed something about yourself you wanted to change through someone else’s comment, but don’t do it if it has to do with them at all. Do it for yourself. Do it to feel stronger, do it to stay mentally healthy, do it to have routine, do it to impress yourself in how consistent you can be. Show yourself, what you are capable of. Because if you are caring about other people’s opinions, you sure as hell are neglecting your own and you haven’t shown yourself how far you can go.

Your change becomes less about them, and more about what you want to show yourself.

Welcome the challenging times that come your way.

I used to tell my therapist that I don’t appreciate the hard times. That I could’ve still been this kind person without it. Which is true. But honestly, thinking about it now, I wouldn’t truly be solid in who I thought I was without the hard times.

Don’t be scared of it. Take it minute by minute. Make your choices the best that you can, because the outcome will see you through, and the outcome will show you exactly who you are. And never under estimate each small step that you take. Each tiny win that you make. Because every tiny sprout of growth that you make, is absolutely beautiful. It is a moving growth in the right direction. Be inspired by it. If you took more mini sprouts of growth, imagine who you can be?

I used to not understand why I had to care about my own opinion.

I had to live with all these people on this Earth and mingle with them. Of course I need to care about what they think about me. I would always run away. That was my trademark almost. I ran from every situation and hoped that it disappeared. But it really doesn’t. And it’s really crazy to say this because this advice used to be so repetitive to me. This time I didn’t run. This time I faced it dead on. I learned what my boundaries are and I took power back in my own choices. I would say it out loud. “I choose who is in my life.” “I choose to stand back up” “I choose to always be kind”. It hits different when you say it out loud. I wrote it on my mirror.

I would fill my mind with content that would uplift me. Just filled my mind with it. Inspirational quotes, books, and TikToks. Just keep filling it. Battle your mind, and fill it with these good things, because one day they will truly stick. They truly will. And there is so much power to it. And it can take years. It took me years to get this point. But this way, with the ratio of what you fill your mind with? You start normalizing this encouraging mindset because it is 95% of what you put into your mind. You start to see yourself in a different light. You start to love yourself and love others.

You start to see how many people around you actually hate themselves. And it becomes clearer and clearer as to why they act the way they do. And you start empathizing and sharing that encouragement to the ones that hurt you to help them learn to love themselves.

It isn’t an easy journey.

but it’s definitely worth it.