What does “Look for Joy in the Small Things” Mean?

For the longest time, this statement seemed like a useless tactic. Look for joy in the small things. So you’re telling me to ignore the very issue that is creating a whole shift in perspective around me? Nothing is normal around me, and you expect me to just, look at the flower and think, yeah, because that pretty flower exists, I am probably gonna be okay.

It just seemed pointless to me. I felt like, people who say this, must have not had it really badly if they can just say, look for joy in the small things. But that, in fact, is not the case.

What does it mean to “Look for Joy in the Small Things”?

It means that we need to understand that life has its seasons. When you have storms, you are going to have struggles, and they will come and go, but they will come and go on their own time, not yours.

You will be in the midst of that storm and you will feel that storm.

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Now, I don’t want to say all this to make you lose all hope entirely. I say it to validate what you are going through. It is not easy. If it is not easy to you, it is not easy. That is all that matters. So don’t entirely dismiss that. Don’t dismiss it, don’t compare it, don’t undermine it. It is what it is, and it is what you are experiencing.

It is difficult. Nothing that is new will be easy the first time. Especially when you have to do it alone.

When you ride a bike for the first time, you wont be a speedster. When you draw your first picture, you wont be Picasso, when you play your first instrument, you wont be Mozart at it.

When you deal with a negative experience for the first time, you won’t know the best way to react and deal with it. So it is okay that you are not okay, even if it may seem easy to someone else. This is your moment to figure it out and go through the initial hard moments.

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So first, be forgiving on yourself. It isn’t easy and it won’t be easy for a while to deal with these emotionally draining situations.

Second, don’t think about the big picture. Don’t think about how to solve the overall problem. This may cause anxiety over the long run of what may happen in the future. Stop it. Don’t think about that. Just think about the next best choice you can make for now. The next best choice, the next right step you can think of in your current state.

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Third, this will be a trudging time for you. It may be hard to keep your head up. The end of the tunnel may feel too far. But just find joy in the small things. A laugh with your friends, a beautiful flower that you have never seen before, your dog curling up next to you on a quiet Sunday morning, support of people you love, or maybe a hobby that gives you joy. It can be any of these. But taking time to appreciate the small things that make you happy is like a little less weight on your shoulders.

And I want to make this very clear. I am in no way saying that you need to be grateful for the little things, or you need to be more positive, or you are missing out whats good around you because your so focused on your problems. That would be toxic positivity. Just trying to control your behavior rather than actually getting at the root of the problem and fixing it from the ground up.

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You are allowed to feel sad in the situations you feel sad in. You are allowed to feel like you are struggling, and you are allowed to validate your struggle. But when it gets too heavy, remembering the joy in small things helps you make it to the end of that tunnel. These small “pick me ups” are exactly that. They are ways to pick you back up and give you some small strength to keep going for an unknown amount of time.

Because remember, it is a season. Time will keep going with or without you. People around you will talk with or without you. Life will be unpredictable with or without you. But you can take it step by step, and just like long winding stairs, or a long race, the end of it has to come one way or another, and the season will pass. Your job is to keep those legs moving and do what it takes to keep walking.

You got this.

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As I Get Older, I just don’t care anymore – Personal Blog – Almost 30

This is not going to be a full on advice blog you could probably get something out of. But I just wanted to share my two cents this morning about how I have been feeling lately.

I am almost 30 years old. I am going to turn 28 in April, which is kind of crazy to me because I feel like I should be 21 right now. Regardless, I am getting older and time is not slowing down. It is only getting faster and it will leave me in the dust whether I am ready or not.

Yes, I grow over time, things happen in life. So many things will happen in your life that you don’t expect. If your life is boring, my dear, you are a lucky one. I wish I could go back and make my life boring. Boring is safe, boring means that you can choose what gives you excitement and life.

Whole paragraph of what I am tired about (You can skip this) – I am so tired of feeling anxiety, being depressed, caring about what everyone thinks of me, caring about fitting their rules of what they think is right or not, being everything for everyone and still not being enough at the same time, male species feeling entitled to women’s thoughts and body, having to beg for everyone’s approval, being angry, upset, arguing, and standing up for myself, having to compete with other people or deal with people trying to pry at me. I don’t care for it. It is exhausting.

People are relentless. I don’t know where they get this energy to attack other people. Insecurity gives people a lot of drive.

This does not necessarily mean that I hate everyone and hate people and hate life. I mean, sometimes I do, but that is also tiring as well.

But, it just means at 28, I just want to live a peaceful life, and I know I have a whole long way to live. It means I am just tired of the pettiness of the world and I just need to move on from it. More people than you know, feel entitled for you to live your life revolved around them and it is exhausting.

So I will.

Somehow I will learn how to live to not care anymore. Live to be a lot freer. I don’t know if this is too vulnerable. Almost hypocritical because I give mental health advice.

Reality: But honestly, this is the reality of it. Your mental health will go up and down and this entire life is just us having to deal with it and get through it. Some days, you will be on top of the world, and some you won’t.

Overtime, you will get better and better and the dark moments of your life won’t be that dark anymore. But you have to go through the ups and downs as you heal.

If you are like this, let’s conquer this together. It won’t be easy, but it will be a journey and a support group. I don’t know if this helps anyone, but, thanks for reading!

You Don’t Owe Anyone Anything

For the longest time, I have been around people who believed they were entitled to anything that wanted out of me.

Or maybe they weren’t entitled but they sure acted like it.

They acted like I had to give up my personal secrets because the status of our friendship or relationship, or I had to give up my body because I have given it before.

And the worst thing that I did, was believe them. Believed that because they decided to share a secret with me, it would be wrong for me to not share back. Or give up my body because I have already given it up, but if I didn’t want to, I had to promise to never to give myself to anyone else. Even though we were going our separate ways. Honestly, I should’ve lied. It would’ve gotten me out of the situation faster.

Or doing something for someone because the favors they have done for me were always transactional. I never agreed to it, but I am apparently forever indebted because their favors cost that much.

Was I a pushover? Or were these people especially entitled narcissists.

I want to say that it was both. I was a pushover. I never wanted to stand up for myself because I always chose to understand others, but I didn’t understand what boundaries meant. Also, they were mentally ill. I’m not gonna sugar coat it.

I am still a little angry about it honestly. I don’t know how I didn’t see the red flags. I don’t know why I never felt like I was allowed to draw a line and stand up for myself. But, I guess I learned very late.

So if you are struggling with people feeling entitled to you, here are some things to remember:

  1. No Matter what has happened, nobody is entitled to anything from you.
  2. At the end of the day, you are the only one who can keep standing up for you.
  3. You have every right to keep your boundaries, and you don’t need to prove it to anyone. Just being born as a human, you have those rights.
  4. Love yourself, take care of yourself how you would take care of someone you love and care about.
  5. Remember, you don’t owe anyone ANYTHING, and nobody is entitled to ANYTHING from you.

I do regret being a pushover and falling into the wrong crowd. All I truly wanted was to be valued as a human. And for some reason it was really hard to find that. And I don’t know why it took 27 years to realize that I have value and I didn’t have to beg for it, or I didn’t have to listen to what anyone and everyone told me to do.

So, if you are someone who struggles with this. Start now. You 100% have every right to keep whatever you want to yourself, give whatever you want of yourself to others. You don’t need to prove that to anyone. You don’t need to convince anyone. Anyone who makes you give a part of you that you don’t want to, does not respect you, and only cares about themselves.

Value yourself. Period. If you feel like you need a history to decide whether you are able to value yourself, forget it. Start over. You should’ve valued yourself from the start. So if not then, start now.

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5 Things to keep in mind when restarting your life- for people in their mid to late 20’s

If you are in your mid to late twenties, there is a good chance that you grew up, being told that college was the way to go, forced to pick a degree that made stable sense.

We did everything we were supposed to do, and now we are in our mid to late twenties, realizing we don’t like the trajectory that our life is going.

But now you are here, forced to self reflect during the pandemic and realizing that the life you are living may not be the one you want, but you are way too far into it to change your mind.

Not everyone in their twenties are like this, some of us know exactly what we wanted to do and are on the path that we have always wanted to be.

But if you are not in that category, and you struggle to be stable and know how you want to spend your days, keep these in mind:

  1. You are not old.
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Often times we are pressured to believe that the moment we hit 25, we are considered old. We should have had our entire life together by now.

But think about how crazy that is. Why should we have it all together by 25? That is literally one quarter or even one third of our lives (because the life span is getting shorter for most people).

What are you going to do for the rest of your life? Chill and be content with your life’s work as you were growing up and learning how to be human? You have so much life ahead of you to pursue whatever you want.

Mindset is everything.

I met this 92 year old woman at Walmart one day. She was the supervisor of two departments, and she was up and active as if she was 60 years old. We asked her, what is the secret of happiness and life?

And she just told us to keep going, keep busy, keep doing things. She has been living without her husband for 20 years.

Just because you hit 60 years old does not mean you suddenly become immobile and unable to think or do anything. It truly depends on what you want out of yourself and your determination.

At 25, you just started your independency. You just began to learn about who you are as a person in this world. How you contribute to the world, what the world is really even about. Why should you have it altogether by then?

You have so much more time than you think.

2. Be creative.

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When it comes to going for your dreams, we have a tendency to feel as though stability is our enemy.

You don’t have to go for your dreams full time. You can work part time for your dreams until they can afford to be full-time. Save some money, pay the bills.

If the industry you are looking at is too saturated and you are not willing to take that risk, in what other ways does your talents make money?

Are bills too high? Think of people, think of ways to save money. Get a roommate, live in someone’s basement. Maybe a friend is struggling on rent. Live in their basement to help both of you save money for the time being.

3. Spend your life the way you want to.

Whether it is sitting in a silent office for 8 hours a day, or playing with dogs all day, or work on the computer wherever you go, spend your life the way you want to.

You have one life, and it does not have to go the way societal norms deems as successful. It can just be to fulfill your life the way you were meant to be fulfilled.

4. Make sure you are fulfilled.

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Everyone feels fulfilled in a different way because everyone was born with different talents and gifts. That means, no matter what anyone else tells you is good for you, they only know what would be good for them. You know what fulfills you and gives you life.

Ask yourself, what makes YOU tick? How can you integrate that in your everyday life?

5. You have one life.

You really have this one life. Do you want to waste it in doing what everyone expects of you and live chained to what other people want for your life? Or do you want to discover what fulfills you and your time?

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