Something I wish I knew as I was getting older is, when you change, you will most likely experience a new response from the people around you.
Life is not an easy experience, and nobody really admits it. But it is. It is a whole mess. For mostly everyone. And as you are living in this life, you are growing, and changing (hopefully) to becoming a better and healthier version of yourself everyday.
There are people around you who will also grow and change. They will grow with you, or faster than you, or may not even grow for a long time because of their stubbornness and pride.
So we are all just living in one difficult world and trying to survive.
In this world, there is you. You are the only one who is living your life and your timeline. As you grow, you change to become what you want to be, what you feel most comfortable to be, or you may just be exploring different parts of yourself. You could also be in a dark period of your life. Regardless, you will change.
You will find your boundaries, find your new hobbies and interests, find out what makes you feel happy, and what makes you feel uncomfortable. And you start acting on those new discoveries.
At the end of the day, you are living your own life, and discovering what would make you feel the happiest and most fulfilled in life, and what is your most authentic self.
When you change and grow, there are three types of people:
- Person 1: People who will love your growth and grow with you
- Person 2: People who will hate you for your growth
- Person 3: People who will try to adjust to your growth
You want to stay around the people who love and encourage your growth. They love you the most. They want you to be your best self, and do whatever it takes to keep you happy.
The people who hate you for your growth may feel resentful towards you. Tell you that you think you are better than them, and reflect all their insecurities on to you.
And the people who will try to adjust to your growth are pretty non problematic. They will just reconstruct their idea of you from a distant and go with the flow.
What if it is negative change?
In our lives, we are constantly learning and changing and trying new things. So what if we are trying something that is negative. What are the responses?
- Person 1: Will always have your back and be by your side, no matter what changes are made. They will tell you their concerns but have your back always. They will always be there for you because they love you.
- Person 2: Will shove in your face that you are changing and being a bad person, and maybe even leave you because you did not live up to their standards of what they want you to be.
- Person 3: May whisper concerns behind your back but not really do anything about it.
Why am I talking about the three different types of people? Because I want you to identify what is normal in your life. This happens, people respond in all different ways. I am sure there are more different types of people than this, but these are the most typical responses.
Person 1 is the person you want to be friends with. They will always be there for you through the thick and the thin, and they made their choice to love you unconditionally. That is a person you need to cherish.
Person 2 is the person who loves you under condition. They want you to be what they want you to be. They refuse to accept any version of you that is not what they have always known, and there is a good chance that they won’t accept your change because they themselves can’t change.
Person 3: This person isn’t bad, but they are just there. They aren’t really your friends. They care about you but not enough to be someone you keep close.
Moral of the story
These responses are normal. When you change, there will be a shift in your environment. You can’t do something different and expect no kind of reaction and change. But you cannot stay the same forever at the same time.
So when you choose to express yourself and change. Mentally prepare yourself for it, and expect it. Expect the responses and instead of seeing it as rejection or approval, see it as an indicator of who you need to filter out of your life and who you need to cherish.
If you have been throwing a pencil at the wall for quite some time, you can’t expect the same outcome if you decide to throw a bowling ball. If some factor changed, there will be a different outcome.
Expect change when you change. Use it to reveal who you want to keep in your life.
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