There was a quote I heard that says, “Everything works out in the end, and if it hasn’t, its not the end”
And it really got me thinking.
We are all out here, living our stories and our lives, being frustrated in life because the result.
We begin to make conclusions about our lives, and we are always constantly complaining. We think that we aren’t deserving for more, or good things don’t come to us.
Why things seem like they aren’t working out
There could be several reasons why things may not seem like they are working out for you.
It is not your time yet – Maybe whatever you wan’t, is not time for you yet. You may need to learn and grow in order to be ready for what it is that you want. You may not necessarily be ready and life is holding things back for now.
It may not be the way you think – Just because you want something to work out, does not mean that it will work out the way you want it. Be patient, because things may work out, in an unexpected way. And it may work out even better than you could have imagined.
Patience is a virtue – The best things, truly do not come quickly. As you wait, work on yourself to be the best version of yourself, and in time, things will unravel.
What is meant for you will come to you – If you really want a job (literally me right now), you need to realize that just because you really want something, and it inherently may sound good, it may just not be for you. Or it may! Relax, if it is meant for you, it will come to you. If not, there is something waiting, and you just need to be patient!
What Now?
In the meantime, focus on yourself, your growth, becoming a better person that you would want to be friends with, or be the person that you would want your future significant other to have high standards of, or refine the skills that you would want to hire if you had a job you needed to hire for.
You don’t lose anything from refining your skills and getting better as a human being. You just level up in life as a person, and create more opportunities for yourself, even if the one you want does not work out.
This post is for those with anxiety and have struggled with anxiety for the longest time.
It is not easy to have anxiety, it is overwhelming and takes up so much of our mental space. It is so hard to fight your mind because your mind is such an intimate space. It is literally the space you live in and create reality.
Literally, when people tell me. “Just stop then”. I say, oh okay, great solution, let me just stop years of anxiety just cause I feel like it.
But then it occurred to me that you have a lot more power and control over your mind than you think. It does take effort, but it is possible. You have the power to change how you perceive things.
Just Stop
So, how do you just stop? Just tell yourself, no. Nope, I am not going to obsess over that. And then focus on something in your immediate space.
Everytime your anxiety comes up again, just tell it. “Nah”
Because honestly, you are just wasting your time out here thinking of all the possible ways something can happen like Doctor Strange in Infinity War. This man really took time to see all the million different ways something can play out. And really, what does that really do except cause you more anxiety for the future?
Nothing.
Let life play out the way it plays out. Stay true to yourself, be the best version of yourself. Make the best decisions that you can at the moment. And keep swimming.
Its not easy
As you are reading this, you are probably thinking that I don’t actually have anxiety because it really isn’t this easy. My overthinking abilities and anxiety is so high, that I analyze every situation and a good portion of all the situations, I really am right about.
But I have wasted so much time thinking about it, when I could have just moved on and lived my own life. And either way, life was going to continue and unravel regardless of whether I figured it out or not.
How to deal with the unknown
A lot of anxiety comes from the unknown. Of what is going to happen next. It is fear of the future. But here is my advice:
Let the future unfold – Regardless of that one moment, a lot of factors go into why things don’t work out or why things do work out. More than you may realize.
Be in charge of your actions and reactions – You really can’t control life, but you can control what you do. So at the end of the day, you stand by your actions for every reaction you made. Or you are able to apologize or change your actions in the future if you feel you have made a mistake. Your own actions and reactions should be your only concern. Who you are is your only concern.
Make peace with the unknown – I have been working on this for six years now, and I still constantly struggle with it but I have not given up on myself yet. Make peace with the fact that you don’t know the future. Just make the best decision you can in the present, and you will always know that there is nothing you could have done as long as you did your best, and made sure to protect your peace.
Conclusion
We can’t overthink our way to peace. It just doesn’t work like that. You have to make the active choice everyday when you notice yourself overthinking, to just stop. Tell yourself, “nope, we aren’t going to do that today.” And focus on your present area.
Anxiety is an ongoing pest that will not go away unless we actively make that effort. Remember, your anxiety is lying to you.
People know your worth. They are hoping you don’t.
When I heard this quote from someone, I was shocked.
I have been battling my self worth for as long as I could remember. I had great self esteem when I was younger but it was destroyed by people didn’t like it. I am not sure why, but for some reason, people had an issue with me being okay with myself.
So hearing this was the most confusing statement that I heard when it came to my self worth.
If someone knew my self worth, why would they treat me as though I did not have any self worth. How do you know people know your worth? Why have I been fighting for my self worth for the longest time?
“They are hoping you don’t”
People who are hoping you don’t see your worth are people who feel low self esteem as well. These people want you to believe that they are better than you, and through that, they treat you in a way that seems like you don’t have very much worth.
If you don’t believe they have worth, they hope that you believe they have more worth than them. They also believe that worth is conditional, and two people cannot have the same amount of worth. There will always be a ranking to them and that truly does stem from other people in their lives who have treated them conditionally and loved them conditionally, comparing them to other people constantly.
People who have low self worth
These types of people who try to put you down, are very fragile, so it isn’t worth putting in their face that they are weak and don’t have self esteem. They already know it, and they fear other people will see it, which is why they take so much effort to make sure everyone believes that they are better than you.
What to do
Keep living your life. Keep focusing on yourself, and trust that people can see your worth already and you don’t need to prove it to anyone. The way people choose to treat you, does not reflect your worth but their own self of self worth. Feel empathy, and just focus on yourself. Know that people can tell.
Not many people tell you track your emotional patterns. Whether you feel like you are not an emotional person or not, it is always a good idea to know yourself well.
We, as human beings, have emotion and a lot of us don’t know how to handle ourselves when we feel sad, or anger, or other emotions. We try our best, but our decision making and perspective of the world tends to get clouded by whatever emotion we are feeling.
This makes life an ongoing up and down experience for most of us and what becomes unpredictable is really our reaction to a situation.
So what does it mean to understand your emotional patterns?
Understanding Your Emotional Patterns
Identify how you felt immediately, how you felt while you were processing, and how you felt after some time. This may be after you took a nap, or ate some food.
Every time you feel a similar emotion, just take note of how you are feeling during these times. And then when you are feeling stable, take a look at your notes and see the similarities between them.
How do I tend to act immediately?
How do I tend to feel as I process?
How do I tend to feel after some time has passed?
Asking yourself these questions, will help you understand yourself and understand your tendencies.
Results
When you are able to track your emotional tendencies, your emotions won’t be as much of a shock anymore. They won’t be as intense because you are aware that this is how you respond.
You may even be more patient to understand the situation at hand, and may be able to make a sound perspective after time passes, knowing your tendencies.
Summary
Take the time to get to know yourself. It helps a great deal to make it through this life.
There is a quote I heard from someone that said “Have a good day out of spite”.
It really got me thinking, what does that even mean, it sounds so negative and it sounds so unhealthy, but when this person proceeded to explain herself, it made a lot more sense.
Have a good day out of spite, meaning, if you are not having a good day, or something/someone seemed to ruin your mood or your day, don’t let that get to you and ruin your mood longer than it needs to.
Someone could take one minute out of the twenty four hours in your day to say a petty statement that could hurt your feelings, but instead of being upset for the entire day and let it ruin all the moments you could enjoy, tell yourself, that your just going to have a good day in spite of the small moment.
Have a good day, regardless of what may have hurt your feelings. Don’t let yourself dwell in the negative and despite the negative.
Now this does not mean that your feelings should not be validated and that you should shove down your feelings. No. You should feel what you need to feel, process, but keep going with your day and still remember the good.
Beat what could be a bad day by saying “You know what? No, I’m going to have a good day. I don’t care that it would normally ruin my entire day. I am going to have a good day and enjoy my coffee or the fresh air no matter what.”
Rewiring your mindset makes a huge difference in how you perceive your world and how you spend every second of the day.
So, off of first hand experience, I wanted to write this article because I have seen my entire life change the moment I took action in taking active care for my mental health, physical health, and spiritual health. I don’t know what you believe in, but whatever you believe in, I believe that if you continue striving to be your next best self, whatever good is meant for you, will come to you.
Preface
I have been in a difficult depressive state, unable to control the external factors of my life for the longest time. Trying to figure out the next best move to alleviate the world around me through my actions. Sacrificing what I need to sacrifice to make everything better.
My world was falling apart, and I did not know how to hold my husbands world together either. Because the issues were effecting both of us. So we were just trying to hold everything together, taking responsibility of everyones emotions and trying to make a living and keep our peace at the same time.
What now?
We were so tired of it. We couldn’t understand why everything was the way it was. So we stopped. We stopped trying to take care of everyone else’s emotions, and we started to take care of ourselves.
We kept our distance and kept our peace. We started to take care of our own physical, mental, and spiritual health. We recognized what we had to do to keep our mental health stable. Well mostly me. He was actually doing okay. He was doing better than me, I think.
I accepted my reality, and focused on me and making myself the better self of myself.
I also worked on my spirituality because peace is so important to me. I don’t know what you believe in, but I do believe that you attract what you give out to the world. And the more I bettered myself, and loved others, and became the best version of myself.
This means, being humble. Recognizing where you are weak and what you need to work on. Recognizing your imperfections and being okay that you aren’t perfect, but knowing you are working to be a better version of yourself. Going after things that give you life and happiness rather than forcing yourself to do what cultural and societal standards tell you to do. Just loving others, and being there for others because you know that life is not easy.
Basically living your life to preserve your peace and happiness, and loving others.
The moment I chose this life, regardless of the storms around me, good things began to come to me. I live with peace, I stand by my worth, and the world is reacting to it.
End Result
When I started working on myself, not letting anyone take my self worth from me, and doing what I can to keep the peace in my heart, the people began to change towards me, and people’s reactions started to change towards me.
I am not really ready for the change, and I am kind of shocked still. My reality has changed now, but keep working on yourself. Don’t expect anything from anyone. Just keep being the better, kinder, stronger, empathetic version of yourself.
Go out there and live your life. You are the only one who can allow self care. Move forward cautiously and hopeful. Every single part of life, is a season. And it may seem like it takes forever, but you have full control of how you heal and change and grow. And your change, changes other people.
There were a lot of replies that had to do with taking care of your physical health, or treating yourself to something you love, or even a peaceful time. People felt at peace and happier when they spent time with their significant other and their pets that they love.
Most Common Responses
Sleep
Eat
Watch something
Spend time with loved ones (animal + human)
Read a book
Realization
More than just everyone having something to help them feel better, you notice that everyone had something they immediately do to take care of themselves, and most of these are very healthy options to revert your attention to when struggling with a bad day.
The entire world is struggling whether you can see it in their face or not, and the best thing we can do, is not act and make conclusions on our emotions, but rather, take time to take care of our current emotional state before we move on.
The fact that so many people already had their go to feel better choice, shows how everyone is just trying to keep going in this life, and has accepted that life just really sucks sometimes, but there are reasons to maintain your mental health and keep going.
Moving Forward
I am not gonna lie. I am not emotionally stable, ever. But as I take care of my physical health and surround myself with healthy genuine people, it has been easier to regulate my mental health, and learn the importance of a community.
I have been able to identify when my mind skews a situation and when I don’t need to feel anxiety. No, I am not perfect at all, and I am learning the basics of maintaining my mental health to keep going in my life.
Ending my life is not really an option, so my other option is to learn how to keep going.
Find your Self-Soothing Activity
If you feel similar to me, find your self soothing activity. And know yourself. That means, know what triggers you and why. What makes you happy and sad, know why you react the way you react. The wisest people know themselves very well.
Something I wish I knew as I was getting older is, when you change, you will most likely experience a new response from the people around you.
Preface
Life is not an easy experience, and nobody really admits it. But it is. It is a whole mess. For mostly everyone. And as you are living in this life, you are growing, and changing (hopefully) to becoming a better and healthier version of yourself everyday.
There are people around you who will also grow and change. They will grow with you, or faster than you, or may not even grow for a long time because of their stubbornness and pride.
So we are all just living in one difficult world and trying to survive.
YOU
In this world, there is you. You are the only one who is living your life and your timeline. As you grow, you change to become what you want to be, what you feel most comfortable to be, or you may just be exploring different parts of yourself. You could also be in a dark period of your life. Regardless, you will change.
You will find your boundaries, find your new hobbies and interests, find out what makes you feel happy, and what makes you feel uncomfortable. And you start acting on those new discoveries.
At the end of the day, you are living your own life, and discovering what would make you feel the happiest and most fulfilled in life, and what is your most authentic self.
Other People
When you change and grow, there are three types of people:
Person 1: People who will love your growth and grow with you
Person 2: People who will hate you for your growth
Person 3: People who will try to adjust to your growth
You want to stay around the people who love and encourage your growth. They love you the most. They want you to be your best self, and do whatever it takes to keep you happy.
The people who hate you for your growth may feel resentful towards you. Tell you that you think you are better than them, and reflect all their insecurities on to you.
And the people who will try to adjust to your growth are pretty non problematic. They will just reconstruct their idea of you from a distant and go with the flow.
What if it is negative change?
In our lives, we are constantly learning and changing and trying new things. So what if we are trying something that is negative. What are the responses?
Person 1: Will always have your back and be by your side, no matter what changes are made. They will tell you their concerns but have your back always. They will always be there for you because they love you.
Person 2: Will shove in your face that you are changing and being a bad person, and maybe even leave you because you did not live up to their standards of what they want you to be.
Person 3: May whisper concerns behind your back but not really do anything about it.
Why
Why am I talking about the three different types of people? Because I want you to identify what is normal in your life. This happens, people respond in all different ways. I am sure there are more different types of people than this, but these are the most typical responses.
Person 1 is the person you want to be friends with. They will always be there for you through the thick and the thin, and they made their choice to love you unconditionally. That is a person you need to cherish.
Person 2 is the person who loves you under condition. They want you to be what they want you to be. They refuse to accept any version of you that is not what they have always known, and there is a good chance that they won’t accept your change because they themselves can’t change.
Person 3: This person isn’t bad, but they are just there. They aren’t really your friends. They care about you but not enough to be someone you keep close.
Moral of the story
These responses are normal. When you change, there will be a shift in your environment. You can’t do something different and expect no kind of reaction and change. But you cannot stay the same forever at the same time.
So when you choose to express yourself and change. Mentally prepare yourself for it, and expect it. Expect the responses and instead of seeing it as rejection or approval, see it as an indicator of who you need to filter out of your life and who you need to cherish.
If you have been throwing a pencil at the wall for quite some time, you can’t expect the same outcome if you decide to throw a bowling ball. If some factor changed, there will be a different outcome.
Expect change when you change. Use it to reveal who you want to keep in your life.
With a million things to do and the stresses of life, sometimes you have to find a way to manage your time in the best way and the least anxiety ridden.
I have been diagnosed with ADHD, so the concept of time can really get away from me. It is not the easiest, and it is something I had to learn how to work with.
Just a brief preface: Someone with ADHD loses track of time, and remembers new tasks constantly, and stops what they are doing in order to complete another task, and may stop that task in order to complete another task that they think of.
That being said, it is very difficult to stay on one task at a time. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Your mind will just work differently forever and that is okay. You have to learn how to work with your own mind. So if you do half of all your tasks, it is better than doing nothing because you beat yourself down for not finishing a task.
So, as someone who struggles with the concept of time and feels burdened by tasks, this is how I time manage.
Make a list of your tasks you need to complete. That means everything. And make sure that this list is on paper. It is very important for you to visualize the things you need to do. That means work stuff, home chores, errands that need to be run. Everything.
Take the most important tasks that you need to complete and you absolutely cannot procrastinate on, and organize them by deadline. The first task you are going to do, has an earlier deadline than the second important task.
If you have tasks that are all due at the same time, you do the tasks that will take you a shorter time first, because you don’t have to worry about another task after you are done with the short task. You can just keep working on the longer task until the deadline if needed.
Then, you start listing things that you need to do, and you can get done by the end of the day.
Lastly, you list the things that if you procrastinate on, it isn’t the biggest deal.
For example:
IMPORTANT TASK DUE AT 3:00 PM
QUICK IMPORTANT TASK DUE AT 5:00 PM
IMPORTANT TASK DUE AT 5:00 PM
Task that needs to be done by the end of the day
Task that needs to be done by the end of the day
Task that can be overlooked if there was no time left to spare
Task that can be moved to tomorrow
Task that can be procrastinated
Now, if you are not done with that list, make sure to keep that same list. If the list is messy and you need to add more at the end of the day, make sure that you redo the entire list first.
That is why I recommend a notebook or a digital notebook. So you can keep all records in one place.
The most successful notebooks are the ones with the most scribbles.
If you are a neurodivergent mind, check out my etsy shop below of ADHD/Neurodivergent Digital Planners! Or share it with someone who does!
If you struggle with time management, give each task a time frame of how long it may take you to get done, and when the task should be over. That way, because you planned your schedule out, you won’t worry about other tasks until you surpass the time you gave yourself. That is when you re-evaluate your schedule.
But until then, as you work within the time frame you gave yourself, you can feel stress free about your task because you made intentional time for it and you mapped it.
4. Just do it
Just do it. I know all those tasks can be intimidating. If it helps, do the easy tasks first and get them out of the way. This can help you get jump started if you are struggling that day. And know that when you start completing your tasks, it truly isn’t as intimidating as you were making it out to be.
Take one task at a time.
Summary
I gotta say, we are all working so hard to keep our lives together, honestly. Whether you are making a lot of money, or struggling with your bills, everyone is struggling in one way or another. On top of that, we have to function like everything is normal.
Do your best, get what you can get done, done. If you don’t, it isn’t the end of the world. Pick yourself up and try again. You’ve got this.
So, you have social anxiety. And you so badly want to be a part of a friend group. I know it. This was me for the longest time. You spot a friend group and want to be a part of it and be comfortable for that matter.
But your social anxiety is what is keeping you away from it.
Mentally, if you are ready to attack this challenge and finally make friends with a group of people, this is what you are going to do.
1. First, find the right group of people
When you have social anxiety, the biggest thing you fear is the people around you. When scouting a group of people, look for a group that is accepting of differences, and open to more people in their friend group. Those are the kind of friends you want to open yourself up to. It is better to be alone than be with a friend group who is going to make your life more toxic. So be very picky when you choose a friend group.
2. Find something relatable to start the conversation
Listen, you have nothing to lose here. If they think you are weird, they were never the right group for you anyways. Compliment their outfit, or their hair, or ask where they got their shoes from. Something. Figure it out. Approach them and fake it till you make it. Act like approaching people is normal to you. They don’t know you. They have no difference to judge you for.
3. Ask them questions
People love it when you talk about them. When you don’t know what to say, just ask questions and react. “Wow! You have great style! Are you in fashion? Or do you just like it?” Then they will respond, and keep asking them questions. People love it when they feel good about themselves and will want to hang out with you more if they feel good around you.
Eventually, if it seems like you guys have had a great conversation that feels like a friendship, ask for their social. It is less intimidating than their phone number to hit them up.
4. Target the person
This sounds creepy, but it’s not. This is how I made all of my friends. They think our friendship happened organically but I honestly did all the work. Hit up the person on social media and strike up a conversation related to your previous conversation. Continuing with this fashion example, ask for their fashion advice!
Say, “hey! It was so great meeting you the other day! You have really great style, I was wondering if you could give me your opinion about my style. What kind of style do you think would look good on me? I would love to know!”
Strike a conversation. The more exposure they have with you, the more familiar they become with you. You wan’t them to be exposed to you.
If you don’t want to strike a conversation yet, start with liking their posts and eventually commenting a compliment on their instagram post. Then strike that conversation about an instagram post that you can easily start a conversation with in their DM’s.
5. After enough exposure, invite them to hang out
If they haven’t asked you to hang out with them, ask them to hang out with you to a place that has to do with the topic you bonded over. Maybe say, “hey! I saw this really awesome boutique the other day, I thought of you because of the style they had. I am thinking about going next Saturday, would you wanna come with?”
After that, if they say yes, make that plan. If they say no. Don’t ask for another hang out. They can ask for it. Don’t make it look like you are desperate to hang out with them. It becomes way too much pressure on them to become your friend at that point and nobody wants that pressure.
6. Keep up the communication once in a while
Match their energy. Keep up the communication just as often as they keep it up. I know, I know, it sounds like you are playing a high school game. But there is a reason to it. You want this friendship to be organic, and it does not look organic if you are trying too hard, and they may be disinterested in becoming your friend if you are not reciprocating.
Send a tiktok, instagram post, youtube video every once in a while and say it reminded you of them!
7. Build your friendship
Build your friendship with this person. Keep up the interaction with them and eventually they should invite you to their group. If they don’t, you can offer another hang out that is group appropriate, like an amusement park, or a city trip, and tell them that they can invite other people if they want!
This is at the point when you guys are already friends and feel comfortable with them. If it seems like they don’t want to put you in their friend group, it is okay. You still made a friend out of this, and you can keep going with this same process and make more friends, and build your own friend group.
Just invite one more friend at a time to your hang outs so that everyone is familiar with each other.
Remember, you can have multiple friend groups. It is very normal.
8. Group Chat
Whether you jumped in someone else’s friend group or you created your own by doing these steps over and over again, create a group chat to share a Tiktok or a meme of something that you guys have had a conversation about or experienced, and just keep it up. Then the friend group with naturally become a friend group the more that they get exposed to eachother.
In a friend group with a good dynamic that will last a long time, you should not be putting in all the effort. That means, other people should naturally just join in and chat with you. But do not put the expectation of keeping the friend group alive on others and be disappointed in them if they don’t. There is no expectation and it is not a true friendship to care about one another when you are getting mad at them for not putting in the effort.
Summary
Being in a friend group the way you want to, is not easy and it does not take a short amount of time. It could if the other person just invites you to their group and the entire group is so welcoming that they add you in their group chat and they love everyone, which is a gold mine. I experienced that twice actually. My social anxiety made it hard to drive to the hang outs, but eventually I got there, and when I did, everything was fine.
It could happen, but does not always happen. But there are always options. There is always an open door. You just need to be creative.
