Depression – Mentally Okay

What Happens After Depression (When You Heal)

04/04/202206/26/2022 Liz MasuLeave a comment

Depression can take a hold of us for so long. It takes over our lives and almost feels impossible to get out of. It becomes everything you know. Especially having dealt with it a long time, you lose a sense of who you are because all you do is cope.

That being said, what does it look like when you are finally healing out of depression? Here are a few things that are normal and something to expect.

You will:

have ups and downs as you heal

Healing is not linear. I will always say that because people glamorize healing. You may feel that you are taking ten steps back when you just took two steps forward. That is okay, that is normal. You are constantly fighting and struggling what you have known this entire time, which is depression, versus the new reality you are trying to live, which is a healed fulfilled life. Something you probably have not known what is it even like.

Striving for such a life, when you have been depressed for so long is difficult because you do not even know how to get there but are doing everything you can do get there. You are fighting with your very own thoughts, but what is important is that you don’t stop fighting and struggling to get there. Your old self is going to fight back and there is no question that that will happen. You just need to fight back and understand that you have more waiting for you when you heal.

2. have flashbacks of your trauma, but your response will be different

You will start to remember the very things that hurt you, that brought you into the deep depression that got you here. But that will happen. The very trauma that your mind blocked out may come back up again. It may come harder but understand that your mind is different. You have come ahead whether it’s big or little steps. Your mind will respond differently.

Notice how you respond to memories. How different you react to them. The more you face them head on when you are ready, the more you heal and grow stronger past those memories, ready to move on.

3. need to find a new personality

When depression is all you know, you spend all your time either trying to heal from your trauma. You may make jokes about it, or just revel in your sadness, because thats all you really know.

When I was healing out of my depression, I realized that I lost my entire personality, but it has been so long that I do not even know what my personality even looks like. I started letting myself be free to laugh, free to discover what hobbies interested me, and what my boundaries are. I had to find out who I was before I was depressed.

4. need to accept that you are not who you were

This is easy to logically see, but hard to accept. You may always feel like the little girl (or boy) that you have been. Trying to figure out the world. People will only know the version of you that they met you as, and it will be hard for them to change their perspective of you, just as you of yourself.

Know that you are not what you were. Life has changed you, and you have changed you. You are stronger than you were and you need to remember that. You have reached a different chapter of yourself. You need to identify with the new version of yourself. Who is that? Who are you now?

You are allowed to have a past. You are allowed to change your future. You are allowed to be different.

5. be okay with a new direction of thoughts

Sometimes, depression can seem familiar. When you live in it for so long. It becomes comforting to be sad. Because that is what you have known for so long. Happiness can be scary and unknown. You don’t know if it will be fleeting.

It is okay that you are happy sometimes and sad others. It is okay to be happy. It does not mean that something will have the opportunity to ruin your happiness, but it means that you have the opportunity to decide whether you are going to be okay or not. You are in charge of whether you want something to destroy you, or whether you will take it as an opportunity to be a stronger version of yourself.

Conclusion

If something scares you, don’t wait to feel ready. Just do it scared. You will never be ready. Or you will wait a long time to start your life. It is perfectly okay going into new situations (that will enhance and fulfill your life) scared. And just keep breathing through your emotions, and go for it.

Starting your journey of healing through depression may be even scarier than being in depression, but it is all worth it.

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My Problems Aren’t as Bad as… (Tall Girl 2 Netflix Anaolgy)

02/23/202206/26/2022 Liz Masu1 Comment

I love corny movies, so yes, I watched Tall Girl one and two on Netflix.

When the first Tall Girl came out and everyone watched it, the movie went viral on Tiktok because the tall girl was saying that there was nothing worse than being tall in highschool.

Then everyone started to come at the movie saying that cancer is worse than being tall, or poverty, or literally anything. There were so many Tiktoks spiraling around about it.

Then when Tall Girl 2 came out, they discussed it when she had her audition, and the director asked her, “what makes you think that your problem is bad?”

And she basically says that, yeah, all those issues are bad, but it doesn’t diminish her problem and her experience.

If your friend had an achievement and won an award, does that mean you don’t deserve to be proud of your B+? No, because we don’t need to be comparing ourselves to other people for any achievements or for any problems.

If you have an achievement in life. You should celebrate it, regardless of what anyone else is doing.

If you have an issue in life, you have every right to mourn your feelings, regardless of what else is happening in the world.

You are living your own life and experiencing your life. Should you just disregard your life and your experiences for someone else’s life? If you do, what is the point of you being a whole human being? Who chose them to have their feelings and experiences validated but yours aren’t allowed to be?

There is always someone out there in the world who has it worse than someone else, and there is always someone out there in the world that has it better than someone else. But everyone is living their own life and timeline. Every pain that you feel, and every joy, is validated. You don’t need to make it a competition.

The experience happened. You reacted for a reason.

That does not mean your actions are justified. You have every control over your emotions and actions, but what I am saying is, if you feel a certain way, it means something and you don’t need to disregard it because someone else out there is in the hospital.

Summary

Your feelings are validated regardless of anyone else in the world. Stop comparing your life to other people’s life. Everyone has a different story, and different circumstances. It does not make sense to compare your life to someone else’s.

You are 100% allowed to feel your feelings and feel sad about it. It may not seem as bad as someone else’s situation to you, but it does not mean it did not make you sad. And you are allowed to feel that way.

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Other Blogs You May Enjoy

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https://atomic-temporary-200083173.wpcomstaging.com/2022/02/10/stop-with-the-what-ifs/

My perception of life when the storms around me get too much

02/09/202206/26/2022 Liz MasuLeave a comment

I feel like I am not giving very much quality content lately, but at the same time, I feel like these topics are important to talk about.

Having a therapist is expensive for some of us, or we can’t afford to take the time at the moment, so listening to other people’s experiences can help.

When the relationships around you, or your dreams start to crumble before your eyes, it may seem like you have nothing left. It seems like everything you have built is gone. Everything that made you comfortable and safe is gone.

I think thats the difficult part of it all. We attach ourselves so much to the world around us. Our friends, or family, our jobs, but life truly isn’t just that. And the moment an external variable happens and the state of our well being and mind starts to panic.

Change in mindset

Take a second to think about the movies you have watched. Every movie has some kind of life shifting conflict. These are not easy for someone to adjust to. But it happens, and another outcomes happens, and typically they end up living a different kind of life that they adjusted to. They end up still living their life and still learning how to be happy in ways that they didn’t think to be.

Think of your life as a movie

It is not really romanticizing your life, but you are the main character of your own life. And your life is just as much of a storyline as a movie is.

Ask anyone who is older. Nobody had the same friends growing up, some did and some didn’t, people constantly switch their jobs, people lose touch with their families, and so many other changes happen in life.

You can’t stop external factors. You might try out of desperation to preserve what you want to preserve, but at the end of the day, you have no control over anything than yourself.

Your life is a story line. A movie of your own lifespan. You are just walking through that timeline and experiencing what happens at minute 50 or 1 hour and 30 minutes.

Which brings me to my next point

Focus on Time

When you are enduring changes and tribulations in your life, focus on time. Time heals everything, things will subside when time passes by. And regardless of what is happening in your life, time will always tick.

If you are enduring someone fighting with you, just remember this is only a moment in time. It is not your entire life. Doesn’t mean things will stay the same after they yell at you, but do what you can, and wait for time to unravel what is meant to be.

Things will unravel in the way they should. People gravitate towards people like them, people grow and change when they are ready. Life will go on for everyone and responsibilities will take over. People’s emotions subside with time.

Change your perspective

When difficult moments start to arise in your life, think of it as a transition to a life altering moment. You may not know what may change in your life but something with change, and as a difficult moment arises, recognize that this is a point of your life that something is ready to be different and transition to something new.

For example: If your significant other is breaking up with you, change is happening, yeah. This person is making a choice to break up with you because they no longer want to be with you. But that’s the thing, that’s life. Everything changes, there are seasons to life, and different moments of life that makes your character development more dynamic.

Another example is if you get fired. Yeah you may have made a lot of money from that job, but it could potentially lead you to a new job you may feel mentally stable at or a change in perspective of yourself. This could be a moment of growth.

My last example is family separation. This is tough for people because you believe that family should be everything to you. Your mom was supposed to act like a mother. Your mom was supposed to teach you how to love yourself. Your dad was supposed to stick around. Your sister was supposed to be supportive and not jealous. And you get in an argument and decide to separate yourself.

It is hard, yes. It is painful, yes. But it is a moment in time. It is a transition. Whether it is learning to stick up for your boundaries, or change your perspective of life, or learn something about yourself. It is a moment of change.

Learning Lesson

This may sound stupid to some people, but always find the lesson in each moment. Whether you believe in a higher being or not, there is always something to learn about yourself and learn about others. The wisest people are self-aware and the smartest people know they don’t know everything.

Conclusion

Blogging really helps me talk myself into understanding my moods. It is almost like journaling, and I truly believe it helps other people as well. I have started to open myself up to dropping anything or anyone who doesn’t serve me (people who don’t help me grow as a person, or jobs that don’t fulfill my soul). I have let go of controlling the storms around me because I don’t have control. I need to do what I am able to do, and if it doesn’t work out, at the end of the day, it is my story. And it is just a story that I am living. I am not going to determine how my story goes because of a side character in my life or a setting. That is pretty limiting.

I also don’t want to determine my story by limiting myself. Whether it is what path I want to go, and how I want to walk on that path. Learn how to be okay with not knowing what is going to happen.

Honestly, a little part of me thinks that is my own problem and people don’t have the incessant need to analyze themselves, understand, and predict what may happen in the future. But if you have that, I would love if you followed my blog. I got a lot more coming than just this.

For those few people who read and like my posts, I appreciate you so much, I love the community even if its a few. And it makes my blogs feel so purposeful.

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What to do if you are discouraged about your dreams

01/24/202206/26/2022 Liz MasuLeave a comment

This year in 2022, I made it my mission to follow my dreams.

That means, I will work on things that bring me joy, and pursue and create, even if there is a possibility that it I may be wasting my time.

I have been consistently blogging for three weeks now, and honestly, I am already doubting myself. I feel like, no matter how much I would love to make blogging a full time job, the blogging world is too saturated.

Sometimes, I think I should just go for real estate so I don’t waste my time.

I just wanted to be able to make a living by doing things that bring me joy. I quit my entire life and everything I worked towards, I am almost thirty, and I’m out here trying to work towards dreams that are not guaranteed.

Am I wasting my time? Is it not worth it?

I’m not sure and I don’t have the answer to that. But as I am writing this, I realize that three weeks is not enough to start getting discouraged. I know that for sure. People spend years and years working hard for what they love.

It is easy to get discouraged when things are not guaranteed. But I am not willing to go to a nine to five and work doing things I truly hate, or things that don’t fulfill me.

I really am not willing to go back. I don’t want to go to plan b. I need plan A to work. I love writing blogs everyday, I love to talk about fashion and beauty. It gets me so excited.

If you are feeling discouraged because of your dreams, just keep going. At least go all in for one year and see where it goes. Give it your 100% for one year. If you gain no traction, maybe re-evaluate.

If you do, maybe you have potential to grow and be everything you want to be.

Some things you can do to track your growth are:

1. Write down your milestones

2. Write down each attainable goal.

3. Write down your achievements

With each moment you achieve, if you write them down, you are able to see your progress. If you don’t, you forget everything you have achieved and where you came from.

Be patient. Remember all your previous successes did not flourish overnight or within one day, why would this one? Give yourself time. Sometimes all you need is time.

Be consistent. Try not to miss a day. Whatever you are working towards, don’t miss a day of practice, or auditions, or working. Treat it like it is already a full time job. Regardless of what income it may bring.

Understand the industry. Is it normal to not get responses quickly? Take the time to get to know the experiences of successful people and how they got to the top.

Don’t settle. Life is so much more when you stop settling for what comes easier, and start going for what fulfills you and gives you drive.

At the end of the day. You truly have one life to live, and you need to be okay with how you choose to live it.

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How to get closure when you can’t get closure

01/10/202206/26/2022 Liz MasuLeave a comment

Closure is something many of us struggle with. Whether it is from a relationship from a spouse, friend, or significant other we have all come across it one way or another. Unfortunately, it is difficult to receive closure because sometimes, the other party does not want to participate in your closure, or will not give you the closure you need. Sometimes when you participate in the closure, they just respond in the same problematic way that led you to need closure in the first place.

What is closure?

Closure is when a relationship had to come to an end for whatever reason, but you have no understanding or conclusion of what happened, what went on to have the relationship get to this point. It can also mean, needing an understanding of why something happened.

For example, in a romantic relationship, if you and you’re significant other break up, you may wonder, why did they break up with me? What did I do? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough?

In a family relationship, the closure you may want could be, why did my mom never apologize to me when she has hurt me? Why did my dad leave me? Why did my sister run away?

In a friendship that has ended, it could be, why did she do that to me? Has she never cared about me? Why did she say that behind my back? Why is she suddenly disrespecting me?

I was not going to blog about closure today until I saw a tiktok where this asian girl could not get closure from her parents because they keep fat shaming her and she never met up to their expectations. And I closely resonate with that. The first thing, as a Korean person, that Korean people tend to mention to me is my appearance. I truly don’t understand why, but when I expanded my horizons, I learned that mainly Korean people do this. Mainly Korean people talk about your appearance and weight as if it is a heavy topic of concern.

My mom asked me if I gained weight, as if I need to address it immediately if I did. And typically, I would obsess over my weight, but I have healed through that trauma, and now I just believe that I put on winter weight and that is completely normal. A friend that I haven’t talk to in years contacts me for the first time and asks me if I lost weight. It baffles me that this is even that big of a topic to mention.

I have had relationships with people who chose to show such disrespectful behavior and treated me as if I did not belong and did not deserve to be respected and it was such a confusing time for me because even when I would ask for explanation, the explanation would not even make sense.

Closure is not just given to you when you want it. You can’t demand a conversation from someone or be entitled to a response that you want to hear. There are many times, when you want closure, that you try to get that conversation out of someone but you just are not able to get it. No matter how much they hurt you, no matter how much disrespect they show you for no reason, you are never entitled to someone’s response.

And sometimes when you get it, it still is not enough. Even people who get revenge will always tell you that it does not heal you or make you feel better.

So how do we get closure when we aren’t able to get closure?

Well, we find closure within ourselves. We find closure in what we can control, and the only person we can control in any situation is ourselves.

So how do we find closure when we don’t have the answers that we need answered?

Ask yourself these questions

What did this situation tell me about what kind of person I am?
What did their response to me, say about the kind of person they are?
In this tough time, do I like who I was as I handled it? If not, what can I change about me so the I like who I am?
If I liked who I was in this situation, how can I focus on being proud of my own strength and growth?

It is very important to self reflect in these situations. When you are self reflecting, make sure you are honest with yourself. If you have a hard time facing the truth about yourself, that is another situation you may need to work on. But self reflection and growth is beautiful. The wisest people reflect on themselves and constantly grow and change to be the best version of themselves.

Ask yourself these questions, and with these questions will come to a conclusion to who you think you are, and who they are to you. Everyone has different perspectives, understandings and experiences with everyone and no two people will understand in the same way. Do the best you can with the limited information you have, to take back your peace. People have already chosen to act the way they want to act to you. There is no other explanation or excuse to it. People can choose to grow, people can choose to stay stuck, but that is not your problem at this point. Take care of who you choose to be.

At the end of the day, you can’t depend on anyone else to feel okay. You can’t wait for someone to feel bad enough, or apologize to you, or give you closure, in order to feel okay and at peace. If they are living their life being unbothered by you, you are the only one in pain and the only one who needs to take control of their own emotions. That means, you need to find closure within yourself to take your power back and find closure in the situation. Do not give the other person the power to control your emotions because at the end of the day, you choose to feel them, you have the power to adjust your perspective and emotions.

It is not easy, but it is possible.

Conclusion

Emotions are not easy and you can not control anybody except for yourself. Stop focusing on what people owe you, or what you need to hear from someone in order to move on, or what you have to know to move on. At the end of the day, you are giving the power of your own happiness and peace away to other people. Take that power back, make yourself proud of who you stood strong to be and who you wanted to be. And honestly self reflect in who you were in this situation and who you would be proud to be. Their simple disrespect or disregard should be enough closure, anyways.