Growth isn’t aesthetic

I have always been told to do my best, be my best, and when you hear everyone’s growth stories, you see people rise out of the ashes to become some beautiful strong swan from the trenches of darkness.

That’s what it looks like.

But you miss all of the in between stuff. All the behind the scene stuff.

I have grown so much and I have had so many people change their minds about me and admire the growth that I pushed myself through in such a short period of time.

To them, it seems inspiring,

To me, it was a dark dark constant messy loud battle that I sometimes concede to, but end up getting back up and trying again.

I’m fighting thoughts in my mind, I’m talking to myself the whole time. You learn to recognize all your failures, insecurities, and weaknesses. Usually people can see them more than you can. And you face each one of them head on.

And you fail. You will. Don’t ask me how I know. You just will. And you will again. But you get back up, screaming in your own head louder to drown out your thoughts.

You keep going even though you don’t believe the change in decision is actually going to do anything.

You keep going and keep making the decision to take every next step no matter how much you think it wouldn’t work. No matter what anyone says about you. Because people don’t understand the steps your taking.

Because people only think life is one step. Before and after. So they don’t see the turmoil that you go through to get to point A to point B.

So they will see it. They will see you make decisions, and make conclusions, and change your mind, and make new conclusions and new hypothesis about life, until you see yourself as the person you always imagined yourself to be.

And even when you get there. Your still gonna fight battles. It’ll look strong to other people because they aren’t doing the work. They aren’t the one making the hard decisions to stand up again.

The strength is to keep going even though your mind feels like it’s hopeless.

When you reach the beautiful point you have always wanted to be. That strong person, it doesn’t mean you are never afraid anymore. Yeah, you may be able to endure a lot. But you are still fighting a difficult fight. Your just able to last through the turmoil and the storm and make it out the other side when it finally passes. It doesn’t mean the storm is any less strong.

Just know, being a beautiful strong person in the end can be great, but not always a free easy feeling you thought it was going to be. Expect that you will always have to get back up again, and last through the end. It’s being able to emotionally self regulate. It is to find hope even though it feels there is none. It’s to recognize that life is just a series of stories. That’s what makes you strong.

See yourself through. Just last through this story. Until you get to see and experience the next one. You don’t have to like this story, but you can use it to define who you really are in times of trouble.

It’s not easy for anyone. No matter how it looks.

Their Processing is Not Your Problem

I used to be very insecure about what people thought about me. What other people may have heard about me, what other people judged me for and what they shared with other people about their judgements of me.


I have almost lost a good group of friends because of rumors and assumptions about me that were not true. Which has made me paranoid of every conversation behind my back.

I did not know I was undoing a previous assumption about myself until I have pushed past my social anxiety to chat with some people, and I frequently got the response of “You are not like what I heard you were like”. Quite honestly, I have gotten that quite a few times in my lifetime, and it is a bit frustrating because as I am battling with social anxiety, someone else is free to share all of their assumptions about me to anyone they want.


So, for the longest time, I would constantly think about what people think about every action that I made and it was exhausting to me. I would hate living in my own brain.

Until I came to a point where I told myself, The way they decide to process and understand information is not my problem.

They are capable of making their own conclusions. And trying to control the way everyone decides to process and believe things is exhausting. You have to manage your own mind, but you are trying to manage everyone else’s.

If someone decides to assume something about you and proceed spread information about you, they are that kind of person and will proceed to think that way until they are ready to change. They will do it to you and will do it to others, and people will know it.

If someone easily believes everything they hear, they have a lot more than your rumor to deal with learning. If they easily share that rumor, they have a lot more than just their opinion of you to deal with.


At the end of the day, people are people, and they have their own lives and their own issues that they tend to reflect upon others when they cannot deal with and need to heal with it themselves.

Not to say that to put it in their face, but to say that to understand that it is not a fight worth fighting.

The way you should ease your mind is that you should keep holding true to your actions because you are only responsible for your own actions. The people who want to understand you, will take the time to understand you and will see who you are. The people who just want to fulfill a selfish need, won’t, and that is a problem far beyond you.

Keep being kind to others, keep being the best version of you, and your actions will be louder than someone else’s words.

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If you feel inferior

I have felt inferior my entire life. I believed that I wasn’t good enough to be friends with anyone. That I was just an inconvenience in someone’s life. I believed that everyone was doing me a favor by just giving me a job, or speaking to me because they felt bad for me.

Where I got this from? I am not 100% sure but I can get an inkling.

If you are someone who struggles with being inferior, I want to give you some tips about how to get out of that mindset.

1. Understand that it is just a chosen mindset. It is not reality, it is not truth. Everyone should be treated as if they have something to offer and they should never have to fight for it.

2. The way you carry yourself is the way people decide to see you. If you carry yourself as if you know you are a burden to be around, people are going to feel burdened by you. If you carry yourself with confidence, people are going to feel confident in you. If you carry yourself knowing that you are someone who has worth and doesn’t need to prove it, people will sense that.

3. Give yourself exposure to those you want to feel closer with. Naturally people like us feel like we don’t feel good enough to talk to even the average person. But if you have a hard time getting out of that mindset, expose yourself to that person often. People naturally start to feel comfortable with people they are familiar with, and familiarity comes with frequent exposure.


It truly is mindset. There are a million different perspectives in this world and people are living in their different mindsets. Just change your mindset about social construct and where you stand.

You are worth the time. The moment you were born, you should have never had to fight for your worth. You already have it. And once you truly understand that, is when you are kinder to yourself, and you understand that everyone else could be struggling like you.

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Just Show Up and Do Your Best

My entire life my dad has told me every single day, “Just do your best. Thats all you can do”. And honestly, for the longest time, I did not know what that meant, because I felt like it meant I had to be the best, and my best was not as good as being the best.

But as I got older, I started to understand that my best is enough because my best efforts is all I can do, and that means I put everything into it.

As I lived through anxiety and depression, and struggled with social anxiety and issues with people, yes, I was sad and suicidal, but at the same time, it was always ingrained in me to always just do my best. And that is exactly what I have done.

To me, my best has always looked like other people’s bare minimums, but I realized that it is because I had more inner turmoil to fight than others. Which frustrated me because I hated that I had to work twice as hard to live than other people. I always just assumed everyone was hiding inner pain, but not everyone is. At least not as dark as I thought.


One day, I had a conversation with my friend, just updating her on my life, and her life, and she said some nice things about me, but also said that she admires that I just show up and do my best.

Which was crazy because I have never been inspiring or admirable in my life. I honestly feel like I just trudge through life just doing my best, and the best is still the bare minimum for me.

But the fact that someone saw my struggles, and saw my pain, and saw me showing up everyday and still doing my best in everything I did, really taught me something.


No matter where you are in life, no matter how much you have to struggle or what chapter you are in your story compared to others, people see the effort and strength you put into yourself to pull yourself out and try everything you can to become the best version of yourself. And it inspires other people to be their best self and be a better person in their life.

And honestly, it becomes a rippling effect. You just being a trooper and doing your best everyday can have a butterfly effect and help many people and you may never know it. Cause when I heard that, I was in utter shock.


No matter how unfair you think life is, and how much you struggle, you can still be impacting people in the small things you say and changing lives by you doing your best to be the best version of yourself everyday.

I would have never, in a million years, thought I could be someone that people would see me as strong and inspiring because I feel like a mess all the time. But I guess the very acknowledgement of my mess and the efforts to not let it hold you back from growing is the very thing that can help someone else get back on their feet again.

You may never ever know how you impact others, so be mindful of your actions.

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“Everything Works Out In The End, and If It Hasn’t, Its Not The End”

There was a quote I heard that says,
“Everything works out in the end, and if it hasn’t, its not the end”

And it really got me thinking.

We are all out here, living our stories and our lives, being frustrated in life because the result.

We begin to make conclusions about our lives, and we are always constantly complaining. We think that we aren’t deserving for more, or good things don’t come to us.

Why things seem like they aren’t working out

There could be several reasons why things may not seem like they are working out for you.

  1. It is not your time yet – Maybe whatever you wan’t, is not time for you yet. You may need to learn and grow in order to be ready for what it is that you want. You may not necessarily be ready and life is holding things back for now.
  2. It may not be the way you think – Just because you want something to work out, does not mean that it will work out the way you want it. Be patient, because things may work out, in an unexpected way. And it may work out even better than you could have imagined.
  3. Patience is a virtue – The best things, truly do not come quickly. As you wait, work on yourself to be the best version of yourself, and in time, things will unravel.
  4. What is meant for you will come to you – If you really want a job (literally me right now), you need to realize that just because you really want something, and it inherently may sound good, it may just not be for you. Or it may! Relax, if it is meant for you, it will come to you. If not, there is something waiting, and you just need to be patient!

What Now?

In the meantime, focus on yourself, your growth, becoming a better person that you would want to be friends with, or be the person that you would want your future significant other to have high standards of, or refine the skills that you would want to hire if you had a job you needed to hire for.

You don’t lose anything from refining your skills and getting better as a human being. You just level up in life as a person, and create more opportunities for yourself, even if the one you want does not work out.

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People know your worth. They are hoping you don’t.

People know your worth. They are hoping you don’t.

When I heard this quote from someone, I was shocked.

I have been battling my self worth for as long as I could remember. I had great self esteem when I was younger but it was destroyed by people didn’t like it. I am not sure why, but for some reason, people had an issue with me being okay with myself.

So hearing this was the most confusing statement that I heard when it came to my self worth.

If someone knew my self worth, why would they treat me as though I did not have any self worth. How do you know people know your worth? Why have I been fighting for my self worth for the longest time?

“They are hoping you don’t”

People who are hoping you don’t see your worth are people who feel low self esteem as well. These people want you to believe that they are better than you, and through that, they treat you in a way that seems like you don’t have very much worth.

If you don’t believe they have worth, they hope that you believe they have more worth than them. They also believe that worth is conditional, and two people cannot have the same amount of worth. There will always be a ranking to them and that truly does stem from other people in their lives who have treated them conditionally and loved them conditionally, comparing them to other people constantly.

People who have low self worth

These types of people who try to put you down, are very fragile, so it isn’t worth putting in their face that they are weak and don’t have self esteem. They already know it, and they fear other people will see it, which is why they take so much effort to make sure everyone believes that they are better than you.

What to do

Keep living your life. Keep focusing on yourself, and trust that people can see your worth already and you don’t need to prove it to anyone. The way people choose to treat you, does not reflect your worth but their own self of self worth. Feel empathy, and just focus on yourself. Know that people can tell.

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Focus On Yourself, and Good Things That are Meant for You, Will Come to You

So, off of first hand experience, I wanted to write this article because I have seen my entire life change the moment I took action in taking active care for my mental health, physical health, and spiritual health. I don’t know what you believe in, but whatever you believe in, I believe that if you continue striving to be your next best self, whatever good is meant for you, will come to you.


I have been in a difficult depressive state, unable to control the external factors of my life for the longest time. Trying to figure out the next best move to alleviate the world around me through my actions. Sacrificing what I need to sacrifice to make everything better.

My world was falling apart, and I did not know how to hold my husbands world together either. Because the issues were effecting both of us. So we were just trying to hold everything together, taking responsibility of everyones emotions and trying to make a living and keep our peace at the same time.

What now?

We were so tired of it. We couldn’t understand why everything was the way it was. So we stopped. We stopped trying to take care of everyone else’s emotions, and we started to take care of ourselves.

We kept our distance and kept our peace. We started to take care of our own physical, mental, and spiritual health. We recognized what we had to do to keep our mental health stable. Well mostly me. He was actually doing okay. He was doing better than me, I think.

I accepted my reality, and focused on me and making myself the better self of myself.

I also worked on my spirituality because peace is so important to me. I don’t know what you believe in, but I do believe that you attract what you give out to the world. And the more I bettered myself, and loved others, and became the best version of myself.

This means, being humble. Recognizing where you are weak and what you need to work on. Recognizing your imperfections and being okay that you aren’t perfect, but knowing you are working to be a better version of yourself. Going after things that give you life and happiness rather than forcing yourself to do what cultural and societal standards tell you to do. Just loving others, and being there for others because you know that life is not easy.

Basically living your life to preserve your peace and happiness, and loving others.

The moment I chose this life, regardless of the storms around me, good things began to come to me. I live with peace, I stand by my worth, and the world is reacting to it.

End Result

When I started working on myself, not letting anyone take my self worth from me, and doing what I can to keep the peace in my heart, the people began to change towards me, and people’s reactions started to change towards me.

I am not really ready for the change, and I am kind of shocked still. My reality has changed now, but keep working on yourself. Don’t expect anything from anyone. Just keep being the better, kinder, stronger, empathetic version of yourself.

Go out there and live your life. You are the only one who can allow self care. Move forward cautiously and hopeful. Every single part of life, is a season. And it may seem like it takes forever, but you have full control of how you heal and change and grow. And your change, changes other people.

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The Power of Taking Care of Your Physical Health (How it Effects Your Mental Health)

Physical Health can directly effect your mental health. And I am not saying that it is the sole factor of why your mental health may be depleting, but I am saying that I can at least solve the intensity by at least 50%.

I want to share a personal experience as to why I believe that your physical health can directly effect your mental health.


I will say, before, I also did not have friends and a support system at all that I can trust. So that also comes into play. But when I would have episodes of breakdown, there was nobody there to help me take care of my physical health. And I lived alone. I was really bad at taking care of myself. I had no accountability, and I had not learned how to take care of myself because my mom struggled a lot as well.

Whatever I was thinking, was truth, was reality. The way my mind ran a million miles a minute, everything was truth to me, and my life and reality was so difficult. It weighed down on me like no other. I did not know how to decipher what was my mind lying to me.

Because of that, I began making choices and actions based on what I thought was real because of my mental health. I would self destruct my life because it sucked anyways. I would hate everyone. I would hate life. And that is just how I lived life.


Now, when I get anxious and my mind over reacts to a situation, I have learned to keep it to myself first, and take a nap and eat. Then chat with someone that I feel safe with after I have eaten and taken that nap.

After that, I am able to find what my reality is, and what is not something I need to overly be concerned about, and what the situation may really be.

I was going through a similar heartbreaking feeling and I was thinking all these intrusive impulsive thoughts. I took a nap, calmed down, decided it was not worth my time, ate some food, sent memes to my friend and I got over it.

Crazy what a nap can do right?

Now, every situation is not the same, but a lot of situations can be handled this way. It is okay to go to sleep angry. You may just solve issues better when you go to sleep angry. I really think it is okay. The next morning when you wake up, you will have a clearer mind and no regrets.

Moving Forward

I was always a lone wolf and have identified myself as such. Especially because I had social anxiety and felt so much peace alone. But honestly, with the right people, community can be so amazing.

Don’t settle for any community. Just like you shouldn’t settle for any person to marry. Don’t settle for anything. Doesn’t matter what you think your worth is. You treat yourself like you have worth that does not need to be validated, and people will see that you carry yourself validating your own worth.

So go take a nap. Eat some dinner. Eat consistently.

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How being an EMPATH can be a SUPERPOWER (for people who are hyper aware and hyper sensitive)

Yes, I am aware that literally everyone thinks they are an empath. But let me tell you what an empath is before you self diagnose.

Someone who is an empath, can sense the slightest of slightest shifts in someone. They can sense something is going on with someone before that person acknowledges it in themselves.

Everything can look okay but you can tell a difference in the eyes or the slightest change in someone’s laugh.

Being an empath is very exhausting because you naturally feel responsible for someone’s change in emotion and feel the need to find out and change it to be happy.

It is extremely exhausting and most of the time, you think it is your fault, even if you haven’t had a bad interaction with that person or even talked to them in a long time.

There’s always something in the back of your mind that thinks that it has something to do with you.

This typically arises from children experiencing a very emotionally unstable adult and the child felt responsible for every reaction and could not predict it. Therefore, you grow up trying to predict and sense everyone’s emotions to prevent it from happening.

Yes, traumatizing, but doesn’t always need to be a falter in your step.

So how can being an empath be a benefit if it is so stressful and exhausting at times?

1. First, remember that it’s not always about you

Photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash

…and most likely is not about you unless you actually did something that might hurt them.

And even in that case, you are able to see it and be able to confront them to hash it out with them and it doesn’t hit you over the head when you least expect it.

2. You are able to care for your friends in a deeper way

Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash

If you are an empath, you can sense when your friends are a little off. And ask them what’s wrong or even figure out what is wrong through just a normal conversation.

All it takes is someone to be there and listen to them and validate their experiences. Everyone is usually going through something and need a listening ear.

3. You can spot when they need help

Photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash

When your friend needs help, you know when and why because you can sense it through how they are expressing certain topics. That gives you a way to initiate a way to help them and show them love and care.

You can also spot when someone needs intervention quicker than others. Regardless of the kind of intervention it is. You are able to see it before it gets bad.


Yeah it is exhausting but with great power comes great responsibility.

Yes, you didn’t ask for this hyper sensitivity, but if you wanted to do some good in the world, use your senses to change the world, help someone out. Be there for someone.

It’s basically a super power. Use it well.

Love you guys 😊❤️

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“I’m an extrovert when I feel safe”

I heard this quote somewhere on TikTok. I thought I screenshotted it but for some reason I can’t find it.

But for the longest time, I have called myself an introvert. What is an introvert? An introvert is someone who gains their energy being by themselves. An extrovert is someone who enjoys being with others and gains energy by them.

I’ve heard a lot about introverts. Introverts gain energy alone, like being by themselves and feel peace alone.

But at the same time, I have friends that I love to be around and feel extroverted around. So why is that? Am I an introvert and an extrovert?

Well in my own personal conclusion, there is no introverts or extroverts.

None in the sense that people were born that way.

People were built to be introverted or extroverted from their past experiences.

What it really is, is where do you find peace and safety?

Maybe you are someone that only had good experiences or really don’t care about what people say. You may be “extroverted” to everyone and their mothers because you choose to feel peace regardless of who you are around.

If you don’t feel comfortable around some people, you may seem introverted. Because you feel peace around some people and not others.

You would rather be alone than be with people that make you uncomfortable because you find your peace by being alone or being with people you find safety and peace in.

I want to make this clear. Introverted is not being a quiet person, and extroverted is not being a loud person. Introverted is gaining energy by being alone and extroverted is gaining energy being with people. That means people’s personalities have nothing to do with it.

This started to make a lot more sense and when I learned it, I stopped limiting myself. I wasn’t born this way and that is that. I can just instinctually feel where I feel safe and comfortable and where I don’t at the moment. And that is okay.

It’s okay to be picky and choosy with those around you. And if people are mad about it, they have problems, not you. Go where you find peace. Spend your time the way you feel happiest and safest.

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