Their Processing is Not Your Problem

I used to be very insecure about what people thought about me. What other people may have heard about me, what other people judged me for and what they shared with other people about their judgements of me.

Preface

I have almost lost a good group of friends because of rumors and assumptions about me that were not true. Which has made me paranoid of every conversation behind my back.

I did not know I was undoing a previous assumption about myself until I have pushed past my social anxiety to chat with some people, and I frequently got the response of “You are not like what I heard you were like”. Quite honestly, I have gotten that quite a few times in my lifetime, and it is a bit frustrating because as I am battling with social anxiety, someone else is free to share all of their assumptions about me to anyone they want.

Thoughts

So, for the longest time, I would constantly think about what people think about every action that I made and it was exhausting to me. I would hate living in my own brain.

Until I came to a point where I told myself, The way they decide to process and understand information is not my problem.

They are capable of making their own conclusions. And trying to control the way everyone decides to process and believe things is exhausting. You have to manage your own mind, but you are trying to manage everyone else’s.

If someone decides to assume something about you and proceed spread information about you, they are that kind of person and will proceed to think that way until they are ready to change. They will do it to you and will do it to others, and people will know it.

If someone easily believes everything they hear, they have a lot more than your rumor to deal with learning. If they easily share that rumor, they have a lot more than just their opinion of you to deal with.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, people are people, and they have their own lives and their own issues that they tend to reflect upon others when they cannot deal with and need to heal with it themselves.

Not to say that to put it in their face, but to say that to understand that it is not a fight worth fighting.

The way you should ease your mind is that you should keep holding true to your actions because you are only responsible for your own actions. The people who want to understand you, will take the time to understand you and will see who you are. The people who just want to fulfill a selfish need, won’t, and that is a problem far beyond you.

Keep being kind to others, keep being the best version of you, and your actions will be louder than someone else’s words.

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If you feel inferior

I have felt inferior my entire life. I believed that I wasn’t good enough to be friends with anyone. That I was just an inconvenience in someone’s life. I believed that everyone was doing me a favor by just giving me a job, or speaking to me because they felt bad for me.

Where I got this from? I am not 100% sure but I can get an inkling.

If you are someone who struggles with being inferior, I want to give you some tips about how to get out of that mindset.

1. Understand that it is just a chosen mindset. It is not reality, it is not truth. Everyone should be treated as if they have something to offer and they should never have to fight for it.

2. The way you carry yourself is the way people decide to see you. If you carry yourself as if you know you are a burden to be around, people are going to feel burdened by you. If you carry yourself with confidence, people are going to feel confident in you. If you carry yourself knowing that you are someone who has worth and doesn’t need to prove it, people will sense that.

3. Give yourself exposure to those you want to feel closer with. Naturally people like us feel like we don’t feel good enough to talk to even the average person. But if you have a hard time getting out of that mindset, expose yourself to that person often. People naturally start to feel comfortable with people they are familiar with, and familiarity comes with frequent exposure.

Conclusion

It truly is mindset. There are a million different perspectives in this world and people are living in their different mindsets. Just change your mindset about social construct and where you stand.

You are worth the time. The moment you were born, you should have never had to fight for your worth. You already have it. And once you truly understand that, is when you are kinder to yourself, and you understand that everyone else could be struggling like you.

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Just Show Up and Do Your Best

My entire life my dad has told me every single day, “Just do your best. Thats all you can do”. And honestly, for the longest time, I did not know what that meant, because I felt like it meant I had to be the best, and my best was not as good as being the best.

But as I got older, I started to understand that my best is enough because my best efforts is all I can do, and that means I put everything into it.

As I lived through anxiety and depression, and struggled with social anxiety and issues with people, yes, I was sad and suicidal, but at the same time, it was always ingrained in me to always just do my best. And that is exactly what I have done.

To me, my best has always looked like other people’s bare minimums, but I realized that it is because I had more inner turmoil to fight than others. Which frustrated me because I hated that I had to work twice as hard to live than other people. I always just assumed everyone was hiding inner pain, but not everyone is. At least not as dark as I thought.

Conversations

One day, I had a conversation with my friend, just updating her on my life, and her life, and she said some nice things about me, but also said that she admires that I just show up and do my best.

Which was crazy because I have never been inspiring or admirable in my life. I honestly feel like I just trudge through life just doing my best, and the best is still the bare minimum for me.

But the fact that someone saw my struggles, and saw my pain, and saw me showing up everyday and still doing my best in everything I did, really taught me something.

Realization

No matter where you are in life, no matter how much you have to struggle or what chapter you are in your story compared to others, people see the effort and strength you put into yourself to pull yourself out and try everything you can to become the best version of yourself. And it inspires other people to be their best self and be a better person in their life.

And honestly, it becomes a rippling effect. You just being a trooper and doing your best everyday can have a butterfly effect and help many people and you may never know it. Cause when I heard that, I was in utter shock.

Conclusion

No matter how unfair you think life is, and how much you struggle, you can still be impacting people in the small things you say and changing lives by you doing your best to be the best version of yourself everyday.

I would have never, in a million years, thought I could be someone that people would see me as strong and inspiring because I feel like a mess all the time. But I guess the very acknowledgement of my mess and the efforts to not let it hold you back from growing is the very thing that can help someone else get back on their feet again.

You may never ever know how you impact others, so be mindful of your actions.

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You Do Not Need to Attend Every Argument You Were Invited To

So I was scrolling through Tiktok I saw this video of this teacher teaching her student’s some valuable lessons, and was touched by what she shared and wanted to talk about it.

She said:

  1. You do not have to attend every argument you were invited to.
  2. If you are arguing with someone you love, the goal should not be to win, but to find peace.
  3. If you argue to win, you need to be okay with losing part of that relationship.
  4. You are allowed to grow from your mistakes.
  5. Unless you are finding a solution, the one who shouts the loudest is usually the greatest fool.
  6. it’s okay to start over.

I loved the fact that this teacher shared all of these encouraging life lessons because it truly is difficult to live in this world. So lets talk about what she said.

  1. You do not need to attend every argument that you were invited to
    • If someone tries to pick a fight with you, and start something, you have every right not to join in that conversation. You have every right to not be a part of it and take yourself out. Yes, it may go on without you, but it is happening without you. Do what it takes to find your peace. And remember that your own actions speak louder than what people say your actions are.
  2. If you are arguing with someone you love, the goal should not be to win, but to find peace
    • The only reason you would fight someone to win, is if you care more about your ego and pride than the other person. If you truly care about the person that you are arguing with, your goal should be to figure it out, to understand where each other is coming from, and is to find peace in the situation.
  3. If you argue to win, you need to be okay with losing part of that relationship
    • If you are arguing just to win, it may be peaceful after, but the other person has made decisions. They could decide that they no longer feel safe to completely open up to you and they will hide it from you. If you are arguing to win, people may not feel like its worth trying to work things out with you and you will lose meaningful relationships. Arguing to win is purely out of pride and ego, and its not worth losing people over.
  4. You are allowed to grow from your mistakes
    • I think this is the hardest for me because I can be forgiving to my mistakes and others, but because I am also a people pleaser, I feel as though, if people don’t think I deserve to move on and grow, then I should not forgive myself until they do. Which is such a harmful way of thinking. It is nice to receive forgiveness, but at the end of the day, you need to forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes to become a better version of yourself.
  5. Unless you are finding a solution, the one who shouts the loudest is usually the greatest fool-
    • What this really means is that, the person who goes around sharing and spreading all their rumors and opinions about someone, is the fool because they are the ones who is trying to convince everyone and themselves of their opinion because at the end of the day, they know its not true or they feel some kind of shame or want to hide something.
  6. it’s okay to start over-
    • It truly is okay to start over and be different. If you don’t like yourself, don’t wait until everyone is ready for you to be different. There will never be a time where everyone will forgive you or think its time for you to be different. Or maybe there is. But at the end of the day, no matter what, you can start over and over and over again to keep trying to be a better person no matter what.

Summary

I know it is difficult to interact with people sometimes, and sometimes, its the hardest to forgive yourself because you are the one living with your mistakes, but you can forgive yourself and move on. You are allowed to start over and change. No matter who is ready for you to change or who will believe you.

Listen to this blog with more commentary on my podcast!

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“Everything Works Out In The End, and If It Hasn’t, Its Not The End”

There was a quote I heard that says,
“Everything works out in the end, and if it hasn’t, its not the end”

And it really got me thinking.

We are all out here, living our stories and our lives, being frustrated in life because the result.

We begin to make conclusions about our lives, and we are always constantly complaining. We think that we aren’t deserving for more, or good things don’t come to us.

Why things seem like they aren’t working out

There could be several reasons why things may not seem like they are working out for you.

  1. It is not your time yet – Maybe whatever you wan’t, is not time for you yet. You may need to learn and grow in order to be ready for what it is that you want. You may not necessarily be ready and life is holding things back for now.
  2. It may not be the way you think – Just because you want something to work out, does not mean that it will work out the way you want it. Be patient, because things may work out, in an unexpected way. And it may work out even better than you could have imagined.
  3. Patience is a virtue – The best things, truly do not come quickly. As you wait, work on yourself to be the best version of yourself, and in time, things will unravel.
  4. What is meant for you will come to you – If you really want a job (literally me right now), you need to realize that just because you really want something, and it inherently may sound good, it may just not be for you. Or it may! Relax, if it is meant for you, it will come to you. If not, there is something waiting, and you just need to be patient!

What Now?

In the meantime, focus on yourself, your growth, becoming a better person that you would want to be friends with, or be the person that you would want your future significant other to have high standards of, or refine the skills that you would want to hire if you had a job you needed to hire for.

You don’t lose anything from refining your skills and getting better as a human being. You just level up in life as a person, and create more opportunities for yourself, even if the one you want does not work out.

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Shutting Down Anxiety :: Hate the way you think? Then just don’t think like that

This post is for those with anxiety and have struggled with anxiety for the longest time.

It is not easy to have anxiety, it is overwhelming and takes up so much of our mental space. It is so hard to fight your mind because your mind is such an intimate space. It is literally the space you live in and create reality.

Literally, when people tell me. “Just stop then”. I say, oh okay, great solution, let me just stop years of anxiety just cause I feel like it.

But then it occurred to me that you have a lot more power and control over your mind than you think. It does take effort, but it is possible. You have the power to change how you perceive things.

Just Stop

So, how do you just stop? Just tell yourself, no. Nope, I am not going to obsess over that. And then focus on something in your immediate space.

Everytime your anxiety comes up again, just tell it. “Nah”

Because honestly, you are just wasting your time out here thinking of all the possible ways something can happen like Doctor Strange in Infinity War. This man really took time to see all the million different ways something can play out. And really, what does that really do except cause you more anxiety for the future?

Nothing.

Let life play out the way it plays out. Stay true to yourself, be the best version of yourself. Make the best decisions that you can at the moment. And keep swimming.

Its not easy

As you are reading this, you are probably thinking that I don’t actually have anxiety because it really isn’t this easy. My overthinking abilities and anxiety is so high, that I analyze every situation and a good portion of all the situations, I really am right about.

But I have wasted so much time thinking about it, when I could have just moved on and lived my own life. And either way, life was going to continue and unravel regardless of whether I figured it out or not.

How to deal with the unknown

A lot of anxiety comes from the unknown. Of what is going to happen next. It is fear of the future. But here is my advice:

Let the future unfold – Regardless of that one moment, a lot of factors go into why things don’t work out or why things do work out. More than you may realize.

Be in charge of your actions and reactions – You really can’t control life, but you can control what you do. So at the end of the day, you stand by your actions for every reaction you made. Or you are able to apologize or change your actions in the future if you feel you have made a mistake. Your own actions and reactions should be your only concern. Who you are is your only concern.

Make peace with the unknown – I have been working on this for six years now, and I still constantly struggle with it but I have not given up on myself yet. Make peace with the fact that you don’t know the future. Just make the best decision you can in the present, and you will always know that there is nothing you could have done as long as you did your best, and made sure to protect your peace.

Conclusion

We can’t overthink our way to peace. It just doesn’t work like that. You have to make the active choice everyday when you notice yourself overthinking, to just stop. Tell yourself, “nope, we aren’t going to do that today.” And focus on your present area.

Anxiety is an ongoing pest that will not go away unless we actively make that effort. Remember, your anxiety is lying to you.

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People know your worth. They are hoping you don’t.

People know your worth. They are hoping you don’t.

When I heard this quote from someone, I was shocked.

I have been battling my self worth for as long as I could remember. I had great self esteem when I was younger but it was destroyed by people didn’t like it. I am not sure why, but for some reason, people had an issue with me being okay with myself.

So hearing this was the most confusing statement that I heard when it came to my self worth.

If someone knew my self worth, why would they treat me as though I did not have any self worth. How do you know people know your worth? Why have I been fighting for my self worth for the longest time?

“They are hoping you don’t”

People who are hoping you don’t see your worth are people who feel low self esteem as well. These people want you to believe that they are better than you, and through that, they treat you in a way that seems like you don’t have very much worth.

If you don’t believe they have worth, they hope that you believe they have more worth than them. They also believe that worth is conditional, and two people cannot have the same amount of worth. There will always be a ranking to them and that truly does stem from other people in their lives who have treated them conditionally and loved them conditionally, comparing them to other people constantly.

People who have low self worth

These types of people who try to put you down, are very fragile, so it isn’t worth putting in their face that they are weak and don’t have self esteem. They already know it, and they fear other people will see it, which is why they take so much effort to make sure everyone believes that they are better than you.

What to do

Keep living your life. Keep focusing on yourself, and trust that people can see your worth already and you don’t need to prove it to anyone. The way people choose to treat you, does not reflect your worth but their own self of self worth. Feel empathy, and just focus on yourself. Know that people can tell.

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Understand Your Emotional Patterns

Not many people tell you track your emotional patterns. Whether you feel like you are not an emotional person or not, it is always a good idea to know yourself well.

We, as human beings, have emotion and a lot of us don’t know how to handle ourselves when we feel sad, or anger, or other emotions. We try our best, but our decision making and perspective of the world tends to get clouded by whatever emotion we are feeling.

This makes life an ongoing up and down experience for most of us and what becomes unpredictable is really our reaction to a situation.

So what does it mean to understand your emotional patterns?

Understanding Your Emotional Patterns

Identify how you felt immediately, how you felt while you were processing, and how you felt after some time. This may be after you took a nap, or ate some food.

Every time you feel a similar emotion, just take note of how you are feeling during these times. And then when you are feeling stable, take a look at your notes and see the similarities between them.

  1. How do I tend to act immediately?
  2. How do I tend to feel as I process?
  3. How do I tend to feel after some time has passed?

Asking yourself these questions, will help you understand yourself and understand your tendencies.

Results

When you are able to track your emotional tendencies, your emotions won’t be as much of a shock anymore. They won’t be as intense because you are aware that this is how you respond.

You may even be more patient to understand the situation at hand, and may be able to make a sound perspective after time passes, knowing your tendencies.

Summary

Take the time to get to know yourself. It helps a great deal to make it through this life.

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Have a Good Day Out of Spite

There is a quote I heard from someone that said “Have a good day out of spite”.

It really got me thinking, what does that even mean, it sounds so negative and it sounds so unhealthy, but when this person proceeded to explain herself, it made a lot more sense.

Have a good day out of spite, meaning, if you are not having a good day, or something/someone seemed to ruin your mood or your day, don’t let that get to you and ruin your mood longer than it needs to.

Someone could take one minute out of the twenty four hours in your day to say a petty statement that could hurt your feelings, but instead of being upset for the entire day and let it ruin all the moments you could enjoy, tell yourself, that your just going to have a good day in spite of the small moment.

Have a good day, regardless of what may have hurt your feelings. Don’t let yourself dwell in the negative and despite the negative.

Now this does not mean that your feelings should not be validated and that you should shove down your feelings. No. You should feel what you need to feel, process, but keep going with your day and still remember the good.

Beat what could be a bad day by saying “You know what? No, I’m going to have a good day. I don’t care that it would normally ruin my entire day. I am going to have a good day and enjoy my coffee or the fresh air no matter what.”

Rewiring your mindset makes a huge difference in how you perceive your world and how you spend every second of the day.

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Favorite Lifestyle Youtubers That I Have Been Watching Forever

I love lifestyle, beauty, fashion content. Obviously, cause I have created an entire blog off of it. But my love for fashion and beauty has grown especially because of my favorite creators. I will rank my favorite youtube creators from most watched to least watched.

5. LAURDIY

LaurDIY has been one of the OG youtubers that I have been watching. Her content kind of got pretty random, but I don’t mind because I have grown up with her. She follows a lot of trends and it is her personality that makes it fun.

She has a podcast called “Wild til Nine” with her boyfriend that talks about a variety of subjects. She is drama free and fun to watch!

4. REMI ASHTON

Miss Remi Ashton. I love this woman. She has a pretty basic podcast with Alisha Marie and they are just the best of friends. She basically does vlogs of her day and posts them weekly, but they are fun videos to watch while you do your makeup.

3. Alisha Marie

You cannot put Miss Remi Ashton on this list without Miss Alisha Marie. They are an iconic duo. Her personality truly makes the entire video. You can just listen to her videos as you clean your house or do your makeup.

The vibe of her videos just makes it feel like you have a friend and you are part of a friend group.

2. Niki and Gabi

I have watched Niki and Gabi my entire life. I love them because I grew up with them. I love their separate channels as well because sometimes I feel like watching Gabi and sometimes I have Niki vibes in me.

Not gonna lie, I do like watching their drama though. I think that is what keeps me on my toes.

1. Mai Pham

Lastly, Mai Pham is my favorite youtuber. She is so real, and so motivational.

She has such positive energy that makes her want to become her best self and live in peace as much as she can, and it is just the same wavelength as me. She literally says everything that I think, but she does it in a way that seems normal and relatable.

Even though she is about 19 years old, this girl has some wisdom going on, hidden in how a young girl talks.

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